Total Drama Harem!
by Destati69
Summary: A survival reality T.V. show featuring some of your favorite Magical Index girls! This is a competition to win the heart of a certain spiky-haired individual. Each week one girl will be voted off. To find out what happens next, you have to catch the next chapter of... TOTAL...DRAMA...HAREM! Co-written with contributor TiNyTwiTch.
1. An Unlikely of Reunions

Touma Kamijou was currently hanging out with his bros, Tsuchimikado and Aogami while complaining about his lack of a girlfriend.

"Man, such misfortune. I just… I just don't understand why I'm still single. I mean I am pretty average but-

"EXCUSE ME?!" Tsuchimikado and Aogami shouted in unison with pure unrelenting venom in their voice.

"W-what? Why are you guys so… triggered?" Touma muttered in slight fright over his friends behavior.

"Kami-yan, Kami-yan, Kami-yan, are you a goddamn dolt?!" Tsuchimikado exclaimed.

"Yeah Kami-yan, aren't you aware that the whole female population is trying to sniff out your ass?" Aogami asked in shocked curiosity.

"Geez you two, can you please stop with that annoying talk?" Touma asked aggravated.

"I don't have a harem you know? All I have is my right hand every night!" Touma exclaimed passionately.

"Ah Kami-yan, if you really want a girlfriend, I think I could help you out." Tsuchimikado said cryptically.

"W-what?! Really?! Can you really find me a girlfriend Tsuchimikado?!" Touma asked in desperation.

"Yeah **can** you help him?" Aogami asked in surprise.

"Yeah yeah, it's pretty simple really. I actually had a feeling that something like this would happen. All I need is your signature Kami-yan." Tsuchimikado said kindly.

"M-my signature? That's it? Huh. Sounds simple enough." Touma said in agreement.

"Alright, just sign here." Tsuchimikado said pulling out the last page of the contract.

"Okay let's see here…

 _For the one who signs this contract, I Tsuchimikado Motoharu will work day and night to get you a girlfriend. And wait, there's more! It's not just any girl! It's your most compatible girl!_

 _Sign Here! _"_

Touma then swiftly signed, trusting his close friend. Aogami was watching closely, quickly realizing that the contract was yet another dubious trick by Tsuchimikado. As he was holding back his laughter, Touma looked at Tsuchimikado with an earnest smile on his face.

"Okay thanks Kami-yan. With this, your future is guaranteed to be stellar! I'll see you in due time!" Tsuchimikado said waving as he walked towards the sunset.

"Wow, that's pretty romantic. That whole scenario might just be one of my new top-tier fetishes." Aogami muttered lustfully as he licked his lips.

"Man, I can't wait to see the girl that Tsuchimikado brings back to me!" Touma said to himself with a big smile on his face as he walked off towards a better tomorrow.

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 _3 Months Later_

"Damn it! It's been three months and I haven't seen that fucboi since!" Touma grumbled angrily as he cooked some breakfast for Index and Othinus.

"Toooouuuumaaaa, is something wrong?" Index asked her guardian worriedly.

"Yes human, you seem rather irritated as of late." Othinus added.

"Oh i-it's nothing you two." Touma said haphazardly.

 _DING DONG_

"Oh the door let me get it." Touma said as he opened the door of his apartment.

"Huh? There's no on here- oh a letter on the ground." Touma said with great curiosity present in his voice.

"Alright let's see…

 _Dear Spicyboi,_

 _It's me your best friend, Tsuchimikado! So Kami-yan I know you've been worried about me and the girlfriend contract for a while now but don't fret! It's all coming together now! You'll see attached to this letter, a plane ticket to a small island off the coast of Canada called 'Academy Island'! You're gonna want to go there to meet your new girls-er girlfriend. Of course, I'll be here as your wingman, so come on over Kami-yan. Be sure to bring some condoms and plenty of sex toys. You might need them."_

 _Love, Tsuchimikado Motoharu_

"Academy Island huh? Heh, it looks like I was right to trust my best friend!" Touma said happily as the two girls behind him had a look of regret.

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Later that night, Touma bid adieu to his roommates, counting on Komoe-sensei to look after them. However, what Touma didn't know was that this was all an elaborate ruse to hype up an initially small joke.

Index and Othinus got a phone call about a month ago from Tsuchimikado which detailed the 'plan' in full. They felt a little guilty deceiving Touma like this but they felt as if this was the only way to figure out who could truly capture Touma's heart.

Eventually, Touma's plane ride occurred. What seemed odd to him though, was that the plane seemed really… empty. Almost too empty. However, Touma didn't pay that any mind and decided to rest while fantasizing of making love with his 'dream girl' throughout the ride.

When the plane ride ended and Touma stepped off the plane and headed off to the docks which is where the pilot told him to go, he saw his friend Tsuchimikado Motoharu with an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, shorts and his signature shades.

"Kami-yan, I'm glad you could make it! Now smile for the camera!" Tsuchimikado exclaimed suddenly as a blinding flash came out of nowhere and stopped Touma in his tracks.

"A-AH! W-what the hell was that abou- HAMAZURA?!" Touma shouted in confused anguish.

"Hey there Boss, I'm the camera man for this new hit show. Tsuchimikado there is paying me a solid 300 yen an hour! Do you know how much money that is?! That's like 10x the amount that ITEM gives me!" Hamazura said happily which just confused Touma even more.

"Ah if it isn't Touma Kamijou, the Imagine Breaker. It's been a while." Kamisato Kakeru said while gripping a broom and wearing a janitor outfit.

"K-Kamisato?! Wait, let me guess. Are you working here for 300 yen too?" Touma guessed.

"300 yen? Pfft. Please. It's 325 yen you shitface." Kamisato said in a disgusted tone.

"R-right. N-now Tsuchimikado, what exactly is goi-

"Oh the fu***** hero is here already huh? Wow, I'm kinda shocked. I expected the plane to crash and for you to almost drown in the ocean but be rescued by your new harem of mermaids." Accelerator said distastefully while he wore an iconic chef's hat.

"Woah there Accelerator, you can't say the f word on national television." Tsuchimikado warned.

"A-Accelerator?! A-are you working for 325 yen too or-

"What the f*** did you just say you brainless dick face?! I'm getting paid 150 yen. I'm much more honorable than these other dweebs working here." Accelerator said proudly.

"A-alright. Now Tsuchimikado, what exactly is going on here? I thought you got me a girlfriend." Touma asked, pissed.

"Ah calm down Kami-yan. Oh, here comes one of the candidates right now!" Tsuchimikado said happily as one of the several small party boats arrived at the docks.

"C-candidate? W-wha-

"Oh, is this it? Will I really get a limited Gekota for doing service on this island?" Mikoto Misaka asked worriedly.

"No not quite. You'll get something even better." Tsuchimikado said as he pointed to Touma much to Mikoto's shock.

"Y-you i-i-i-idiot?! Why the hell are you here?!" Mikoto snapped ruthlessly.

"Mi-Misaka, why are you here? Are you my girlfriend?!" Touma asked in distress.

"Wha- girlfrien-

"Oh here comes the next candidate!" Tsuchimikado announced.

"Ah, I'm finally here. Will I really get super nutrition here?" Fukiyose asked.

"Fukiyose, I'm glad you could join us!"

"Wha-what is going here? Why are the Railgun and Kamijou on this island too?"

"You'll see, you'll see. Oh here comes the next boat!"

After that, several girls came by. They each came to this island with falsified expectations of what they would find here.

"Alright, everyone it's time for the roll-call!"

"Mikoto!"

"Here!"

"Othinus!"

"Here!" She said while somehow in her original form much to Touma's amazement and confusion.

"Misaki!"

"Here!"

"Index!"

"I'm hungry…"

"Mugino!"

"This is such a fu***** chore…"

"Kuroko!"

"Why am I here?!"

"Kanzaki!"

"Seeing Touma here makes me feel very… unholy."

"Saten!"

"…Huh?"

"Himegami!"

"*Nod*"

"Kumokawa!"

"Here!"

"Leviana!"

"Here! I really should've brought Mark with me…

"Misaka Imouto!"

"Affirmative Misaka says expectantly while saluting towards the host of this elaborate show."

"Fukiyose!"

"I really want some milk…"

"Awaki!"

"I was told some really cute young boys would be here. Where are they?"

"Itsuwa!"

"K-K-K-K-Kamijou-kun is here?!"

"Oriana!"

"I was told that there'd be a way to increase my bust size here…"

"Kongou!"

"I should've brought Ekaterina here. It's lonely without her."

"Sister Agnese!"

"It's so hot wearing my nun-outfit here…"

"Konori!"

"I feel bad for leaving Uiharu with all that Judgment work."

"Sister Orsola!"

"My, this seems like it'll be fun!"

"Lessar!"

"Here, I can't wait to make Kamijou squirt!"

"Sister Lucia!"

"…This is a big waste of my time."

"Sister Angelene!"

"I'm glad I at least came here with Sister Agnese and Sister Lucia."

"Ureapaddy!"

"Heh, I hope I win whatever this is."

"OK, so basically all of you girls are gonna be split into two teams. The 'Superb Scientists' and the 'Magnificent Magicians'! Every day, each team will compete in a challenge and whichever team loses has to vote one of their team members off!" Tsuchimikado explained.

"W-wait, what is the point of this competition?" Fukiyose asked in perplexity.

"Glad you asked Iron Wall Girl! The winner of this gets 100,000 yen and… gets to be Touma Kamijou's girlfriend!" Tsuchimikado exclaimed dramatically.

"WHAT?!" Touma and all the girls yelled in shock.

"You'll all be staying here in Academy Camp! Accelerator here will be cooking your meals! Kamisato will be the janitor and if you need to record any thoughts, you can go to the outhouse and have Hamazura our camera man record it all!"

"If anyone doesn't have any questions, then we can get started on…

"W-wait what the hell is this BS Tsuchimikado?!" Touma interrupted.

"TOTAL…. DRAMA…. HAREM!"

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 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

 **So this is a pilot chapter. If you guys really enjoyed this, then we'll continue. See you all either next time or in one of my other stories!**


	2. The Hype-Up!

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

 **HOLY CRAP! This story really blew the hell up didn't it? The premise is certainly intriguing so let's see if I can deliver!**

 **REVIWER RESPONE:**

 **Anon Guest: Man, there's no reason to be scared! Just embrace your inner craziness and all will be well!**

 **Geust's Account: Wow, trash talking my other stories huh?! Just kidding, but I wanted to start from clean slate and I liked this concept so I decided to roll with it. My other stories will still continue though. Glad you're looking forward to this story!**

 **Bepko: Yeah you know, this story idea came from me and the contributor TiNyTwiTch watching Total Drama Island together. It's a pretty ridiculous concept but I think that a crazy author like me can pull off this story. Glad to see you on the ride!**

 **Brosephg: The character roles this time will definitely initiate some unbridled hilarity for you and me I'm sure. You're rooting for Misaki huh? Well I mean, I would expect you to. Hope you stick along for the ride!**

 **FireDusk: 'best thing'? Well I don't know about that but glad to see you hyped up for this! Enjoy the crazy ride man!**

 **Agent Nine: Don't worry; the plot is going to be on point! Now don't worry about the rating. There will certainly be perverted moments in this story but it won't be too mature like' A Compilation of Misfortune', that's for sure.**

 **Guest: What are you talking about? Accelerator is just an honorable guy. Lol**

 **321jaz:Oh trust me, the amount of time I've thought about where to go with this story frightens me. I hope I can balance the comedy and drama well!**

 **The SENDER and the TRAVELER: Yeah man, mad girls are here and they're all-well most of them- are feening for Touma! Hopefully the island doesn't get too wrecked.**

 **Anon: Oh boy… that's um… that's some territory I never want to tread across.**

 **toumakamijou298: As I said earlier, Accelerator is just an honorable man. Lol. But with this, the journey officially starts. Who will Touma end up with? Let's find out!**

 **Guest: Really? I could've sworn that Aogami occasionally referred to Touma as 'Kamijou' sometimes but maybe I'm wrong. Either way, I'll make that change in the last chapter. It's just a minor fix. Hope to see you stick along!**

 **Yakutsu Zaishiro: Well sorry to disappoint you but challenged start next chapter. I wanted to write out the context a bit more before diving into the main event, know what I mean? And who is the best girl that will win? Only time will tell…**

 **Handsomistic1: Indeed! As stated earlier, this is somewhat based off of Total Drama Island but I can assure you that it will be very very different. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 **naruhinasakufan1: Yeah I don't blame you for distrusting Accelerator's cooking skills. No one really knows what he's capable of in that department. But anyway, I'm glad to see you along for the ride!**

 **So after experiencing a hellish weekend full of diarrhea, nausea and frustratingly trying to platinum Tales of Xillia 1 and 2, it's time for the next chapter of this story to spawn! This and 'A Compilation of Misfortune' will be updated the most often for those of you reading my others content. I have plans for 'Yen, Puberty, Stress and Misfortune' since I DID promise that I would complete it and 'Delusional Misfortune' is more of just a side story I occasionally dip into. It's really enjoyable to write though.**

 **On an off note, if there's anyone willing to correct grammar mistakes that I make during these chapters in the review section, that'll be cool.**

 **Anyway, ON TO THE CHAPTER!**

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"What kind of stupid ass name is 'Total Drama Harem' and what… is the reason for this show?!" Touma exclaimed with bewilderment.

"Oh Kami-yan, you naïve little boy. Isn't it obvious what this show is for? It's to help you find your most 'compatible girl'! Tsuchimikado responded eagerly.

"W-wait, the contract I signed didn't say anything about this!"

"Oh are you sure about that Kami-yan?" Tsuchimikado asked with a gleeful mug.

"W-what do you mean?" Touma asked with sudden fright.

"Didn't you think that contract was lacking… I don't know, substance?" Tsuchimikado asked smugly.

"N-now that you mention it…" Touma's expression darkened as if he had a sudden surge of diarrhea lurking about inside of him.

"You goddamn idiot Kami-yan! I just gave you the last page and you signed it like a dumbass!" Tsuchimikado laughed hysterically while clutching his sides.

"Tsu-TSUCHIMKIADOOOOOOOOOO!" Touma shouted, infuriated by his own naiveté and his friends devious nature.

"I… I trusted you! You vanish for 3 months and this is the bullshit you come up with?!" Touma said furiously as he prepared to knock some sense into his 'friend' with his right hand.

"If you think that you can trick me and use me for the sake of some silly little game show… then let me destroy that screwed up illusion of yours!" Touma yelled out while directing his fist towards Tsuchimikado's face.

"Hey hey, calm down Kami-yan!" Tsuchimikado said merrily as he effortlessly evaded Touma's punch by sidestepping to the right.

"Calm down…? You want me to calm down?!"

"Yeah, we **are** on national television after all. Do you want the whole world to see you act up like this?" Tsuchimikado said joyfully.

"N-national?! This is national television?! I thought it was only being broadcasted in Academy City or something!" Touma said clutching his head in embarrassment.

"Oh. If you really wanted to know that, you could've asked me for the 21 other pages of the contract." Tsuchimikado said grinning.

Touma merely grunted in response.

"W-wait, are we really all on national television?! U-Um…!" Saten said panicking.

"Calm down, you're annoying me." Mugino said drearily as she sighed.

"H-how are you so calm about this?" Itsuwa timidly asked.

"Yeah, you don't even seem fazed by any of this." Agnese pointed out.

"You all should really do some extensive research before coming to a remote place like this you know. Well, not that that matters now." Mugino said in a demeaning manner.

"E-excuse me for trying to trust people! A-and why are you of all people here if you knew what was going on?!" Mikoto asked angrily.

"Well, ITEM's in need of some funds. Our recent jobs have been pretty… contemptible to say the least." Mugino said.

"Look Tsuchimikado, I don't know why you've planned something this… this elaborate, but you can stop the joke now." Touma said sighing.

"Joke? Hah, you're funny Kami-yan. This is no joke. Do you know the amount of phone calls and purchases I had to initiate in order to buy this island?"

"S-seriously? You really bought this place?" Touma asked in shock.

"Alright, can all of you fu****'s just shut the hell up and pack your crap already?!" Accelerator roared with venom while walking away to a nearby building.

"Despite his inappropriateness, he's right. Come follow me everyone!" Tsuchimikado ordered as he exited the docks and headed off towards the mainland.

All the girls looked at each other and emitted a sigh of resignation and followed Tsuchimikado. Touma looked incredibly displeased but followed nonetheless. Hamazura walked towards them with camera in hand and Kamisato continued his sweeping with a smirk on his face.

"Listen up everyone, here's where you'll all be staying for the entirety of this competition! These are the two cabins which the two teams will be residing in!" Tsuchimikado announced.

"Wait, you never told us what teams we're on." Konori pointed out.

"Ah good point there Konori-san! The teams are as follows…

'The Superb Scientists' are Mikoto, Misaki, Mugino, Kuroko, Saten, Himegami, Kumokawa, Misaka Imouto, Fukiyose, Awaki, Kongou, and Konori!

'The Magnificent Magicians' are Othinus, Index, Kanzaki, Leviana, Itsuwa, Oriana, Sister Agnese, Sister Orsola, Sister Lucia, Sister Angelene, Lessar, and Ureapaddy!" Tsuchimikado listed off the members of the two teams.

The girls all divided into their two teams and Touma just looked on whilst shaking his head.

"Tsuchimikado, are we really doi-

"Okay, everyone, to the west of the cabins is the cafeteria where you'll devour our five star meals that are cooked by Academy City's Number One!" Tsuchimikado exclaimed enthusiastically, ignoring Touma in the process.

"Wait, can that guy really cook?!" Kuroko asked unbelievingly.

"Kind of." Tsuchimikado answered briefly much to the dread of the girls.

"To the east of the cabins is the outhouse where our cameraman Hamazura can record any offensive thoughts that you want to get off your chest!"

"W-what do you mean by offensive?" Saten asked curiously.

"Well, throughout this competition, I'm sure that all of you will eventually grow bad blood between each other. The outhouse is a… healthy way to vent out your frustrations. Keep in mind though that all of your actions are broadcasted across national television." Tsuchimikado explained.

"But with that everyone, you're free to settle in for the day and tomorrow we'll reconvene for the first event!" Tsuchimikado said loudly as he walked over to the cafeteria.

"W-wait, Tsuchimikado!" Touma said alarmingly, chasing after his 'former' best friend.

After that, the girls all went into their designated cabins and surprisingly enough, ill will already began to sweep through our fierce competitors.

""W-why are you here?! Weren't you taken captive and lost your powers after the events in Denmark?!" Kanzaki asked in apprehension to Othinus.

"…Does that really matter now? " Othinus responded in a nonchalant manner.

"W-what do you mean?! Of course it matters! You were a world class terrorist not too long ago! And the fact that you're involved in this competition with that boy is-

"Is what? Hazardous? What do you expect me to do in my current state? I've lost my powers as a Magic God. In fact, you could even say that I'm the weakest member of the Magic Side on this island. The only reason I'm in this form is because this island has some sort of… ancient magic." Othinus said matter-of-factly.

"Besides… Touma Kamijou has literally been through hell and back all because of me. I can assure you that I won't do anything else deleterious to him." Othinus promised.

Nobody had a response to that but the girls could see the resolve in her eyes that held a determined gaze.

"Anyway, isn't it obvious who's going to win this?" Lessar said confidently as she looked at her teammates with a grin on her face.

"What are you talking about? We haven't even started this stupid competition yet." Lucia said annoyed.

"Yeah yeah but do any of you know how any of these reality T.V. shows work?"

Everyone shook their head.

"And that's exactly why I'm going to win! As the only one here who follows prevalent media, I can assure you that simply 'doing your best' isn't going to help you win. Not unless you include deceit and squadding up in your arsenal." Lessar summarized energetically.

"Ha. You should be the one that's the least likely to win." Leviana said coldly.

"W-what do you mean?"

"If you keep acting like that, everyone here is going to vote you off." Leviana responded seriously.

"H-huh?! There's no way I'd be voted off so heartlessly right guys?!" Lessar shouted in forced comradery.

"…I don't know. Even if you somehow managed to win, I doubt that Kamijou would be happy. I'm sure he would want a girl with monumental breasts like me." Oriana said suddenly.

"Why are you even here?! Do you even like him?! And p-put on a more family-friendly outfit!" Agnese said jealously as she couldn't help but keep her eyes glued to Oriana's breasts.

"It's alright girl, no need to get so angry. Just go home and you can go back to living your simple life." Oriana said in a demeaning manner.

Agnese growled in response to that but Ureapaddy unexpectedly held her back and directed her attention back to Oriana.

"Are you sure about that? I don't think even someone as lenient as Touma Kamijou would accept a slut like you." Ureapaddy said in a vicious tone, wanting to defend the honor of her comrades in Necessarius and to also have others appreciate her so that she'll look good in front of the cameras since her sister is probably watching.

Oriana's eyebrow twitched but she said nothing else demoralizing much to the joy of Necessarius's members.

"My my, this is turning out to be quite dramatic isn't it?" Orsola said smiling much to the tiredness of her teammates.

"I'm hungryyyyyyyyyyy!" Index whined much to the annoyance of the other 'Magnificent Magician's'.

While all of that was going on, Itsuwa and Angelene were huddled up in the corner, fearing for the future together.

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"Is this really happening?" Mikoto said as she rubbed her temple.

"My my Misaka-san, it isn't attractive for an ojou-sama such as yourself to be complaining so much." Misaki said giggling.

"Can you two shut the hell up? Being with two other Level 5's in the same room is giving me a headache." Mugino said as she clutched her head.

"Having to rival with so many of my rivals is so irritating…" Seria mumbled under her breath.

"C-come on everyone, cheer up!" Saten said in an attempt to alleviate the current sourness of the atmosphere.

"Girl, don't you realize that we're all enemies here? Even though we're all 'teammates', if we lost, we're gonna have to vote each other off." Awaki said exasperated.

"…U-um, this may be off topic but Misaka-san, w-why does that girl look so much like you?" Fukiyose asked, uncharacteristically timid.

"Are you talking about me? Says Misaka as she looks at her hopefully soon-to-be friend with great curiosity."

"S-she's my sister. She has a… unique way with words." Mikoto said vaguely much to Kuroko's shock.

"S-s-s-s-s-s-sister?! Another Onee-sama?! Have my threesome fantasies finally come true?!" Kuroko shouted in ecstasy as she subconsciously attempted to grope Mikoto.

However, Konori stopped her before Mikoto had a chance to shock her.

"Honestly, Shirai-san, get a grip! There are other people here you know!" Konori said scornfully.

While everyone was arguing, Kongou sat by herself feeling extremely out of place and nervous with all of these recent events.

' _Does no one notice me here?'_ Himegami thought depressingly as she stared at everyone in the middle of the conversation.

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"Oh hey Hero, how's it going?" Accelerator asked as he was busy cooking… something in the kitchen.

"Accelerator, can you actually cook? What are you making there?" Touma asked, temporarily ignoring Tsuchimikado's recent antics.

"I'm cooking some chicken curry." Accelerator responded as he walked out of the kitchen while holding a plate of some green and black lump.

"That's chicken curry?" Touma asked reluctantly.

"Yeah, obviously. What the f*** else could it be?" Accelerator snapped.

"N-nothing else I guess?" Touma said uneasily before a yell from the other end of the cafeteria grabbed his attention.

"GODDAMNIT! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO JACK OFF TOO!" An unfamiliar voice shouted in agonized disappointment.

"U-um, who is that guy back there?" Touma asked Tsuchimikado and Accelerator who just sighed with pity.

"He's Osamu Yuki. During the process of making this show a reality, we were looking for interns who could help out with some menial tasks and he fit the bill. He was chosen from a lottery though." Tsuchimikado briefly explained.

"Yeah, I feel bad for the fu****. He has no friends, bad grades, poor social skills and I think the only noteworthy thing he does is jack off all day." Accelerator added.

"Huh. So what does he help out with?" Touma asked.

"Well you know, taste test food, perform stunts. Stuff like that." Tsuchimikado answered.

"Yeah, let me show you. Hey, Osamu! Come here and try this curry!" Accelerator shouted, beckoning Osamu near the kitchen.

"…Might as well. My phone died and I don't feel like jacking off to stuff in my head…" Osamu muttered before appearing at the kitchen.

"Let me do the honors." Tsuchimikado said grabbing a nearby spoon.

"Here Osamu, say 'ah…'." Tsuchimikado said grinning as he shoved a spoonful of the 'chicken curry' into Osamu's mouth.

"…*cough* U-ugh… A-AAAAHHHHHHH!" Osamu screamed in pure unbridled anguish as he dropped to the ground and clutched his stomach and his ass.

"Wh-what is this?! Accelerator, the takoyaki you tried making before doesn't compare to this!" Osamu shouted as he groaned in further pain.

"A-are you alright?" Touma asked in legitimate concern.

"You see Hero; he's talking about how great this is compared to my last attempt at something. Have a try." Accelerator encouraged, pushing the plate in Touma direction.

"O-OH GOD, MY ASS, IT BURNS! IT BURRNSSS!" Osamu screamed in further torment.

"N-no thanks." Touma said looking away at the shell of the man that lay on the floor.

"Suit yourself." Accelerator replied.

"A-AHHH! I HAVE TO GO TAKE A SHIT! NO SCRATCH THAT! I HAVE TO TAKE A COUPLE DOZEN SHITS!" Osamu shouted as he ran out of the cafeteria, clutching his ass all the while.

"Sure, just remember to do it in the forest. Our contestants need the outhouse!" Tsuchimikado yelled.

"Hamazura, what are you doing just holding the camera there?! Go get him some toilet paper or something!" Touma said angrily.

"…Sorry boss, holding this camera is my job." Hamazura simply replied.

Touma just shook his head and turned his attention back to Tsuchimikado.

"So, Tsuchimikado I hope you actually don't think this whole… game of yours will work out."

"Oh it will Kami-yan, it will. Come on outside, you have to say an opening statement to the camera with all of the competitors watching." Tsuchimikado said while he and Accelerator walked outside.

"Hey, Imagine Breaker, you about to do the opening statement?" Kamisato asked while raking in some stray leaves on the walkway.

"Y-yeah, I don't know what I should say though." Touma said earnestly.

"Just say whatever comes to your heart man, no worries." Kamisato said smiling.

"Right…"

As everyone neared the middle of the mainland, the two teams could be seen outside.

"Hey idiot, are you seriously okay with us participating in this?!" Mikoto said sparking.

"N-no I'm not but I accidentally signed a contract so there's nothing I can do…"

"Oh human you never change…" Othinus said pitifully.

"Now now everyone, quiet down, it's time for Touma's opening statement!" Tsuchimikado said excitedly.

"…Well I don't know how this competition will work out but… I hope that no one gets hurt and enjoys themselves." Touma said lamely.

"Wow, what a dweeb." Accelerator said distastefully.

"Okay everyone, with that go on and rest! It's getting pretty late! We'll start our first challenge tomorrow!" Tsuchimikado announced.

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	3. The Kick-Off!

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

 **REVIEWER RESPONSE:**

 **naruhinasakufan1: The girls are going to form some interesting bonds. Hope to see you stick around.**

 **whwsms: Theme song? Well you'll see… As for future contestants, who knows?**

 **toumakamijou298: Good old lucky ass Touma getting mad girls' feening for him. Typical.**

 **Geusts's Account: It's nice to see that you formed your favorites. PM was responded to you a while ago as I'm sure you know.**

 **Brosephg: Yeah man, anything can happen on this scary ass show. Osamu's here to make everyone smile. In team conflict is definitely a must for a show of this genre yet how serious will it be? Only time will tell.**

 **wildarms13: Man if you like Osamu, then you will surely like 'A Compilation of Misfortune'! Shameless self-promoting aside, glad to see you liking his character. His inclusion was a bit of a gamble since not everyone likes him so glad to see he humored you.**

 **Yakutsu Zaishiro: Don't worry; I have a chapter planned for the reactions of the people watching. Not sure when, but it'll happen at some point.**

 **321jaz: Osamu's just here to liven things up. Kamisato will play an… interesting role in due time. Hope to see you around.**

 **Geust: Maybe in a different time and place but with my hands full with other stories, it would have to take time. Thanks for the feedback.**

 **Darkbetrayer: Holy crap, it's one of the big pimp daddies of the Index Fanfic Archive! Anyway, maybe I did pull a few strings to get Osamu on this show. Your sentiment about an underrated girl winning this show is something I MAY want to do but will it happen after 20+ chapters from now? Time will tell. Hope to see you stick around.**

 **Handsomistic1: Osamu's like the most important OC ever man. What are you talking about? He's a rather deep character, he's got fears, he's got ambitions, and he's got dreams. Probably the most complex character I've ever written. I'm just joking sorry but he's a big inside joke with me and a bunch of other guys in the archives. Hope to see you stick around though.**

 **Agent Nine: Accelerator uses a rather…. diverse set of spices that no mere mortal can comprehend or digest. Amen man. Amen.**

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 _PREVIOUSLY ON TOTAL…DRAMA…HAREM,_

 _The two teams got acquainted with each other…_

" _If you keep acting like that, everyone here is going to vote you off." Leviana responded seriously._

" _Are you sure about that? I don't think even someone as lenient as Touma Kamijou would accept a slut like you." Ureapaddy said in a vicious tone..._

 _And an intern got a taste of what his time at Academy Island will be like…_

" _O-OH GOD, MY ASS, IT BURNS! IT BURRNSSS!" Osamu screamed in further torment._

 _With this, how will our teams face their first challenge?_

 _Find out right now on TOTAL…DRAMA…HAREM!_

 _Opening Song_

 _Dear Sensei and Father I'm Doing Fine_

 _You Guys Are About To Find_

 _Out What I Wanted To Be_

 _You'd Have To Be Idiotic Not To See_

 _I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _The Other Girls Better Run_

 _So, Pack Your Crap I've Already Won_

 _Nothing to Prove, You're Just In My Way_

 _I'll Reach There One Day_

 _Cause I Want To Be With Touma_

 _Nanana nanaana nana nana_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

' _Tsuchimikado whistles to theme'_

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 **TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING- PLEASE DON'T FLAME OUR ASSES IF YOUR DEAREST WAIFU IS VOTED OFF. TAKE CARE.**

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The next day came about and the girls were eating their breakfast in the cafeteria.

"Geez, sleeping in a cramped cabin with 11 other girls is seriously bad for my health…" Misaki complained as she attempted the disgusting purple slob of food in front of her that was said to be 'toast'.

"Keep that up and we'll kick you out so you'll have to sleep in the woods." Seria said sassily as she somehow gulped down the purple slob on her plate.

"Hahaha." Misaki laughed dryly. "You're so **very** funny you old hag…" Misaki smiled maliciously towards her former rival who had a stern look on her face.

"A-anyway, have any of you managed to eat this food?" Fukiyose asked as the 'food' on her plate somehow moved and jumped around.

"No. And I really don't want to." Mikoto said simply as she wondered if enduring all this misery was worth it if she can get to be with that spiky-haired boy.

"You know… this food isn't all that bad. I've had worse like that time Kanzaki tried to cook for me when she abruptly visited a month ago." Index said as everyone either rolled their eyes or sweat dropped.

"D-don't say that aloud!" Kanzaki said blushing even though no one really cared.

"Does anyone know where the guys went off to?" Awaki asked as she stared at her untouched plate.

"No idea." Leviana replied bluntly as she looked depressingly at her food.

"I can't believe that those bastards have the nerve to leave this trashy food in here and not even tell us what the hell's going on today." Mugino said, aggravated.

All of the girls had a rather depressed and furious mood and who can really blame them? Having to eat the trash that Accelerator gave them 3 times a day is pretty ruthless and as some of them were growing girls, meals were incredibly vital in this dastardly survival game.

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"You hyped boys?!" Tsuchimikado said happily as Kamisato, Touma, Hamazura and Accelerator sat a dining table with loads of delicious looking food in front of them.

The boys were currently in a secret shack hidden at the south end of the island that the girls had no idea existed. This is also where they slept and took temporary residence for the duration of this competition. After Tsuchimikado placed an order from the online delivery service 'Mamazon', packages and packages of food piled on top of each other from a boat that somehow arrived in 5 minutes. One package had food that could last a large group for about 5 or 6 days.

"H-hey guys, is this really all for us?" Touma asked reluctantly.

"Of course! The girls have Accelerator's legendary food in the kitchen after all!" Tsuchimikado exclaimed laughing as Kamisato, Hamazura and Accelerator joined in.

Hamazura was currently recording and broadcasting live as well, much to Touma's utter confusion.

"Man, this is pretty… f***** up." Touma said sighing as he looked at the plate of food in front of him.

"Come one Kami-yan, dig in!" Tsuchimikado encouraged as he dug into some scrambled eggs.

"I… don't think I can do this guys…" Touma said quickly standing up.

"Hmm? What are you talking about Imagine Breaker?" Kamisato asked as his mouth was filled to the brim with sausages.

"This isn't right! We have to give some of this food to the girls! They can't survive off of the trash that's Accelerator's cooking!" Touma declared.

"Excuse me?! What the f*** did you say about my cooking?!" Accelerator yelled out menacingly while standing up.

"Look, I'm going to give a couple of these packages of food to the girls. See you all later." Touma said walking out of the cabin with a determined look on his face.

"Sure! See you later Kami-yan" Tsuchimikado said loudly as Touma shut the door behind him.

"You catch all that on camera Hamazura?" Tsuchimikado asked.

Hamazura nodded.

"I told you all that he would do it…" Kamisato said seriously.

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"Oh you're all still here. Good." Touma said as he entered the cafeteria and placed the packages of food he had on the floor.

""T-that smell?!" Lessar exclaimed happily while running towards the packages.

"I-is this really food?! And it's edible?!" Saten yelled out with joy.

"What's your game boy? Are you going to force us to take off our clothes for the foo-"

"Woah woah woah! Wait, what kind of guy do you think I am?!" Touma interrupted feeling a bit offended.

"Where did you even get this?" Kongou asked skeptically.

"Well… Tsuchimikado ordered a bunch of food of off 'Mamazon' for me Kamisato, Hamazura and Accelerator but he refused to give some to you guys for… some reason." Touma explained.

"Oh? Is that so? When I next see Tsuchimikado, I doubt he's gonna live long enough to see his sister again…" Kanzaki said quietly as the girls around her shifted around nervously.

"Well enjoy yourselves…" Touma said as he walked out.

"You know, at first I was unsure if Kamijou was worth this but now I think he might be…" Saten said much to the chagrin of many of the other girls.

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"Tsuchimikado, there you are!" Touma said, pissed.

"Ah Kami-yan, don't tell me that you didn't realize the plan I set up for your benefit?" Tsuchimikado said grinning smugly.

"P-plan? What plan?"

"The reason I didn't give the food to the girls was because I was sure that **you** would give it to them."

"And what's your point?" Touma said impatiently.

"Not all of the girls like you to the point of dating you, especially that 4th level 5. So I thought that if you were the one to give them food, they'd like you more." Tsuchimikado explained.

"W-wow Tsuchimikado. Are you… actually not as much of a douchebag as I thought?" Touma asked.

"I'll leave that to your imagination Kami-yan." Tsuchimikado replied simply.

"Oh by the way, do you know where Osamu is?" Touma asked worriedly.

"Oh the intern guy? Yeah, I saw him on the way here. He looked like he still had some pretty atrocious diarrhea." Tsuchimikado said somberly.

"Anyway, I have to go tell the girls that it's time for the first challenge." Tsuchimikado said, walking towards the cafeteria.

' _Huh. Maybe Tsuchimikado isn't as big of an asshole as I thought. Victimizing himself for my romantic benefit... maybe I underestimated him.'_ Touma thought.

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1 Hour Later after the girls beat the crap out of Tsuchimikado, tables were set up outside of the cabins thanks to the help of the guys and Accelerator brought over some ingredients from the kitchen.

Hamazura stood by with camera in hand. Accelerator sat on a chair in the middle of the tables. Kamisato merely sat on the steps of one of the cabins watching intently. Touma was told to sit right next to the camera to provide commentary he deemed necessary.

"Alright girls, it's time for your very first challenge!" Tsuchimikado shouted eagerly.

"Y'know… I think the challenge here is kind of obvious." Kuroko stated blandly as the other girls nodded.

"It's a cooking challenge!" Tsuchimikado shouted loudly.

"Yeah. No shit." Mugino replied dryly.

"Here on the table in front of Accelerator are some ingredients. We have onions, several chicken thighs, soy sauce, ketchup, rice, black pepper, salt, olive oil, egg, milk, sharp cheddar cheese and some frozen mixed vegetables. If any of you are familiar with basic Japanese style dishes then you would know that you use these ingredients to make omurice!" Tsuchimikado explained briefly.

"What exactly prompted you to choose this dish?" Oriana asked curiously.

"So we know that not all of you are well oriented chefs so it was ultimately decided to go for something not extremely simple like an omelet or something somewhat complex like tonkatsu." Tsuchimikado answered.

"I see…" Kongou answered slightly interested.

"Also, the first team to successfully make an omurice dish will have Accelerator taste-test it and if he deems it worthy first then you win the challenge!"

"That guy is taste-testing our food?" Lucia said wearily.

"One last thing! Ability usage is absolutely prohibited during these challenges! To make it more fair for everyone here, no one can use any supernatural powers they have in their arsenal!"

"You have 30 minutes to demonstrate your culinary skills so get ready… get set… and… GO!" Tsuchimikado shouted, confirming the start of the very first challenge of Total…Drama…Harem!

"So boss, is there any particular girl that you're rooting for here?" Hamazura asked Touma who pointed the camera in his direction.

"Well… I don't want to demean any of the girls participating here but there are some girls that have caught my interest." Touma said catching Hamazura off guard.

"O-oh really boss, so who are these girls?" Hamazura asked, still shocked over Touma's change in character.

"Firstly, for the viewers watching me at home, there are a couple of things you need to know about me.

1\. I don't like lolis or girls that look small.

2\. I like onee-san types.

3\. I prefer girls who have at least moderate breasts but big is my personal preference.

4\. Tsunderes are are my least favorite type of girl."

"I…. I see. If I may be so bold boss, why do you not like Tsunderes?" Hamazura asked curiously.

"It's not that I dislike them Hamazura it's just that… there are so many other types of girls that pique my interest you know. For example, the reason I like onee-san types is because they can pamper you and make you feel more secure. Tsunderes are cute but… their constant denial can cause some undue and unnecessary irritation." Touma explained.

"Huh, interesting. But back to the initial question boss, which girls specifically do you like so far?"

"I can't really judge everyone yet since I don't know all of their personalities but based on looks there's Konori-san. She's rather attractive and she also looks like the caring type. The blond girl on the 'Superb Scientists' is pretty hot too. I keep forgetting her name though. The only thing I remember about her is her honey scent…anyway; Fukiyose is pretty hot but a bit too violent for my tastes. Mugino is in the same boat. Beauty-senpai has always been a favorite of mine too. She seems like the perfect mesh of hot and caring. Also for some reason, Awaki has captured my tastes as well. She seems pretty devious but a soft caring heart may lie under her hard exterior. Though the same could also apply to Mugino and Fukiyose. Itsuwa, Oriana and Othinus are pretty hot as well and since I know Othinus and Itsuwa personally, I can assure you that they're not only hot but very kind and compassionate." Touma explained.

"I-interesting…" Hamazura commented as the competition continued.

The 'Magnificent Magicians' were doing rather well. Itsuwa took charge of the cooking and with her change in attitude, she ordered everyone to pass ingredients to her and perform some slight menial tasks such as pouring a tablespoon of olive oil onto the frying pan. Several grams of chopped onions were poured by Itsuwa and she cooked swiftly and viciously until they were tender. Then the chicken thighs were cooked with the chopped onions on the frying pan until the pinkness was gone. While that was going on, the 'Superb Scientists' faced some difficulties.

"W-what do I do?" Kongou asked panicking.

"T-this is so nerve wracking…" Saten muttered

' _Hmm, this is the perfect chance to gain some allies for extra insurance…"_ Misaki thought deviously.

"It's alright guys there's no need to worry." Misaki said encouragingly.

"H-huh?' Kongou let out between her tears.

"This competition is just some nice clean fun! There's no need to panic!" Misaki said smiling.

"Y-you're right! We can't let something like this get to us!" Saten said hyped up.

"Y-yes, I'll try my best…" Kongou said cheering up a little bit.

' _Hah, too easy. If I continue 'caring' for them when they get down I'm positive that they'll stick closer to me. When it comes to voting off since I really don't see us winning this round, these two will have my back. All that's left is to get even closer to them… Getting my prince takes all priority. All these other bi***'s can go off and die for all I care.'_ Misaki thought venomously as she continued making small talk with Saten and Kongou.

Mikoto watched Mental Out talking with her friends in a friendly manner. Despite the joyous atmosphere they generated, Mikoto's trust in Misaki wasn't exactly the strongest…

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OUTHOUSE~ MIKOTO MISAKA

"I don't know what sort of relationship Shokuhou and that idiot have together but if I know her at least remotely well, I can tell you that she'll do anything to win. Anything. I have to go talk to Saten and Kongou once this challenge is over. They have to know to not trust Shokuhou at all. Seeing my friends being toyed with like pawns isn't something I want to see, especially when others can see it on national television."

OUTHOUSE~END

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OUTHOSUE-~SHIRAI KUROKO

"I originally didn't want to be part of this stupid competition but if it's for Onee-sama's happiness then I'll gladly oblige. Unfortunately, even though I've tried preparing various erotic dished for Onee-sama's pleasure, my culinary skills are still not up to par. Anyway, after trying to seduce my Onee-sama for months and months I can tell that her heart will stay fixated on that troglodyte. At the very least, I'm sure we can work out a threesome or possibly even foursome relationship with him and her sister. Oh that would be-

CUT DUE TO BEING TOO INAPPROPRIATE FOR NATIONAL TELEVISION

OUTHOUSE~ END

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"Listen up everyone, calm down!" Fukiyose yelled out.

Everyone on the 'Superb Scientists' stopped their worried banter and looked at the Iron Wall girl.

"Who here can cook?" Fukiyose asked simply.

Himegami, Saten and Konori were the only ones that raised their hands.

"Geez, only you three? Well alright come help me out. The rest of you can help pass the ingredients when we need them." Fukiyose announced to which everyone readily agreed.

"Someone pass the olive oil!" Fukiyose shouted.

"R-right!" Konori stuttered.

"So as we see here, the 'Superb Scientists are rather far behind but they still have a chance. With how fast the 'Magnificent Magicians' are going, a mistake is highly probable." Tsuchimikado commentated.

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Itsuwa was finished with her omurice dish. She would've finished under the recommended time but with slight team disruptions and spilling of food, it took longer than necessary.

The omurice had a stylish drawing of Touma's face in ketchup. That was courtesy of Agnese who insisted that she do something since she was just staying at the back for the entirety of the cooking.

Angelene also whisked the egg for the omelet and Kanzaki helped transfer the fried rice. Everybody else helped pass ingredients and other such tasks. Everyone except for Index.

Index sat in the back stomach growling for food. Even after devouring 4 plates of western breakfast food in the morning, Index still craved for more.

"Wow, we're finished. That wasn't so bad." Leviana said

"Yeah, as much as I hate to admit it, we work pretty well together." Lessar added.

"Itsuwa, your culinary skills are rather impressive but the human sitting back there surpasses you by far." Othinus said sitting on the sidelines.

"R-really?" Itsuwa stuttered sadly.

"My, I think we've won this time." Orsola said, wiping sweat off her brow.

"Geez, that was kind of exhausting…" Ureapaddy sighed whilst stretching.

All the girls then looked at the 'Superb Scientist's' progress but as soon as they turned their backs, Index ran towards the prepared omurice and devoured it in one gulp.

"I-Index you…" Kanzaki gasped as she turned around.

"You… little b****!" Leviana cursed.

In order to preserve the innocence of our youthful watchers, Hamazura will now focus on the 'Superb Scientists'.

"Okay, we're just about done." Fukiyose said.

"That was kind of rough… but we somehow managed to get through it." Awaki commented who surprisingly helped out.

"Misaka is rather satisfied with our outcome however, Misaka compliments."

"Well, let's go give it to Accelerator then." Mikoto suggested.

"Huh, there seems to be some sort of conflict going on with the 'Magnificent Magicians'." Seria noticed.

"Eh, who cares? It's their loss." Mugino said coldly.

"Here Number One." Fukiyose said giving Accelerator their plate of omurice. It was rather sloppily made and an amateurish attempt at drawing a smiley face with ketchup could be seen, but its appearance provided a homely ambience that even Accelerator could detect.

As Accelerator took a small bite out of it, a small smile could be seen on his face.

"…It's pretty f****** good. You pass." Accelerator announced.

"H-hey we won!" Saten said cheering. The other members were rather jovial as well. Despite the preliminary setback of panic and worry, Fukiyose's leadership guided them to victory.

"With this, the first challenge is complete! What happened 'Magnificent Magicians'? You were so quick and efficient earlier!" Tsuchimikado mocked.

"You should be quiet. The girls here are in a rather foul mood." Oriana suggested.

"Right right. But 'Magnificent Magicians', you will have to vote one of your members off and meet us at the docks at 8:00 tonight for the ceremony of the 'Dock of Loss'! See you all later!"

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OUTHOUSE~ AGNESE SANCTIS

"I never thought I'd come here but I really need to get some stuff off my chest. That Index girl is a real detriment to our team. She's lazy, constantly hungry, not willing to work and just… annoying. I think it's rather obvious who's going to be voted off tonight."

OUTHOUSE~ END

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At 8:00, the 'Magnificent Magicians', Touma and Tsuchimikado arrived at the 'Dock of Loss'. Accelerator was also there and was preparing the 'Boat of Failures'

"Hello everyone. Today, one of you will be going home due to your teammates inability to tolerate or trust you or both." Tsuchimikado announced.

"The man, the myth, the legend himself Touma Kamijou will be reading off who gets to stay and will offer you up a piece of takoyaki that he prepared as immunity." Tsuchimikado explained.

The girls sat on stumps near the mainland as a fire crackled.

"Start it up Touma."

"W-wait, am I really doing this? I feel kind of bad…" Touma admitted.

"That's life man." Tsuchimikado replied deeply.

"Alright… here we go…"

With each name, Touma tossed them a piece of takoyaki and the girls that received it got up and stood near the mainland as instructed.

"Kanzaki, Lessar, Angelene." Touma said as he tossed them a piece of his homemade takoyaki.

"Oriana, Agnese, Lucia."

"Orsola, Ureapaddy, Itsuwa."

"Hold up Touma. There's three of you left but there's only two pieces of takoyaki remaining. And one of you will be going home. You can't come back here. EVER!" Tsuchimikado said dramatically as he took off his sunglasses and frightened the three remaining girls.

"Continue Touma."

"A-alright. Leviana."

After Leviana received her piece and got up, the background music intensified, getting more dramatic as Touma got up to say the last name.

….

….

…..

…..

…..

"Othinus. Sorry Index, you are…. eliminated." Touma said somberly as Othinus walked off with a sigh of relief.

"WHAT?! NO! How- how can you all do this to me?!" Index shouted.

"We would've won if it weren't for you!" Lucia responded with contempt.

Index's head drooped and she walked off across the 'Dock of Loss' and arrived at the first 'Boat of Failures'.

"Sorry kid, better luck next time." Accelerator said uncaringly.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEXT TIME?!" Index roared.

As the boat went off in the distance, the girls went back to their cabin.

However, a certain horny male ran out of the woods and towards Touma and Tsuchimikado while screaming for some toilet paper.

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 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

 **IF THERE ARE ANY GRAMMAR ISSUES, PLEASE ALERT ME. THANK YOU.**


	4. The Tragedy of Sacrificial Change

**REVIWER RESPONSE:**

 **FireDusk: That is a great question. Who WILL feed Index now? The answer will come in due time.**

 **whwsms: Yeah I know that not everyone knows the source material but you definitely don't have to watch it to understand the going-ons in this story. Besides, it's different enough to be called unique.**

 **wildarms13: I'm… not quite sure what error you're talking about but thanks for alerting me. Yeah, Index wasn't really expected to last long and she got taken out in the most expecting way.**

 **Guest: Thanks for the grammar fixes as always. Hopefully, I'll minimize those occurrences with more thorough proof-reading.**

 **Geust's Account: Based off of what kind of girl Touma likes, I feel as if he wouldn't like Misaka. But then again, the man the myth the legend and the big pimp daddy himself Kamachi may vehemently disagree with me on that. Also, I felt pretty bad for Osamu when writing that chapter lol.**

 **Brosephg: Yeah I feel bad for Hamazura too. The worst scenario would be him and one of the girls going in the outhouse but then realizing that no one flushed. That and the place probably smells absolutely putrid. Under ordinary circumstances, Fukiyose's leadership would most likely suffice but with 3 Level 5s, trouble is certainly on the horizon.**

 **321jaz: DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!**

 **Anon Guest: I do plan to have a chapter that solely contains the reactions of everyone watching. And that mistake I made with Misaki was unintentionally funny.**

 **Geust: Hey, I've taught you well! If this was Compilation of Misfortune then I'm not gonna lie, that possibility could certainly happen. But this story is rated T and who the hell really cares about Stiyl right? Jk, but this story is too… innocent to have a scene as adult like as that.**

 **Yakutsu Zaishiro: Man, no one likes Index huh? Lol. I also appreciate the challenge suggestion. It's actually somewhat difficult trying to think up of 20 something challenges.**

 **aye: Thanks for the compliment and wait what- Index is shit?! Well, to be fair I don't like Index either. She really annoys me sometimes.**

 **Swoob: Once again, the Index hate is strong. And as for the ship, I'm honestly not a huge fan of Misaka. She's a great character but I feel like Touma has some better matches with the other girls. Kanzaki's pretty lit too. That's something else we can agree on.**

 **TiNyTwiTch: Huh. I don't know who this 'TiNyTwiTch' guy is but he sounds like a real dweeb.**

 **Agent Nine: Man, beware of Accelerator's cooking. He can easily cause severe diarrhea as we've seen. Poor Osamu…**

 **Anon: As I've said before, we will be going off the island and going around the world to see some reactions… and maybe some other stuff too.**

 **Handomisitc1: Alright, so this is very embarrassing but I never noticed that Kuroko is her first name. I know, I know it's ridiculous but for some reason I assumed that her first name was Shirai. Why? I don't know. But you know what they say about assuming, it makes an ass out of you and me. Though, to be honest I really should've known this since Touma calls her Shirai and they're not close. Plus, Misaka calls her Kuroko and they're fairly close… well either way thanks for the fix. You've drastically changed my view on Kuroko's name now.**

 **The SENDER and the TRAVELER: Misaka and Touma's parents are probably shipping the hell out of their kids and I like to think that the big man himself Aleister Crowley has a girl that he's rooting for.**

 **With NT16 done, my stories are officially deviating from canon. Well, they kind of always have been since Touma's school has been intact for a while so that's my fault. But with the recent events in NT16, everything is officially an AU. Either way though, enjoy the chapter guys!**

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 _PREVIOUSLY ON TOTAL…DRAMA…HAREM,_

 _Misaki and Seria had some sparks fly…_

" _Keep that up and we'll kick you out so you'll have to sleep in the woods." Seria said sassily as she somehow gulped down the purple slob on her plate._

" _Hahaha." Misaki laughed dryly. "You're so_ _ **very**_ _funny you old hag…" Misaki smiled maliciously towards her former rival who had a stern look on her face._

 _And the 'Superb Scientists' won the first challenge…_

" _H-hey we won!" Saten said cheering. The other members were rather jovial as well. Despite the preliminary setback of panic and worry, Fukiyose's leadership guided them to victory._

 _With this, how will our teams fare against their second challenge?_

 _Find out right now on TOTAL…DRAMA…HAREM!_

 _Opening Song_

 _Dear Sensei and Father I'm Doing Fine_

 _You Guys Are About To Find_

 _Out What I Wanted To Be_

 _You'd Have To Be Idiotic Not To See_

 _I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _The Other Girls Better Run_

 _So, Pack Your Crap I've Already Won_

 _Nothing to Prove, You're Just In My Way_

 _I'll Reach There One Day_

 _Cause I Want To Be With Touma_

 _Nanana nanaana nana nana_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

' _Tsuchimikado whistles to theme'_

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"Ahhh, I feel like a new man!" Osamu said happily as he did some stretching.

"Are you sure you're okay? You must've had it pretty bad if you kept shitting for a day and a half. Is walking around after that alright for you?" Touma asked concerned.

"Yeah I feel alright. After Tsuchimikado gave me 5 rolls of toilet paper last night I've just felt so… clean and energized!"

"Well… if you say so." Touma said reluctantly.

"Yo Kami-yan, you mind coming with me for a bit? I need your help with setting up the next competition!" Tsuchimikado requested as he popped up in the cabin out of nowhere.

"Help? Um sure, I guess." Touma agreed. "See ya Osamu, be sure not to eat Accelerator's food anymore okay?"

"Of course not. Not even I'm THAT stupid." Osamu retorted.

"Hey Tsuchimikado, what exactly do you need my help with?" Touma asked as they exited the cabin.

"Well Kami-yan, our next competition is going to be a scavenger hunt. So with that being the case, I'll need your help to place the objects that our competitors are going to find." Tsuchimikado answered.

"Well… I guess I could help but what about Accelerator? Isn't his job as 'chef' pretty much done at this point since we got all that food from 'Mamazon'? Touma questioned.

"Accelerator? Nah, his 'chef' occupation is just a title. His actual job involves driving the 'Boat of Failures' each time someone is voted off and he also fixes any technical issues that we may have." Tsuchimikado explained.

"I see… and he's getting paid the least huh?" Touma said sorrowfully.

"Yeah well that's just too bad for him. When he, Hamazura and Kamisato got their jobs we had a maximum amount of 775 yen for all of their salaries."

"Wow, that's really low." Touma commented.

"It is and the reason for that is because the cost for buying up the islands- I mean island and the equipment amounted to several hundred thousand yen. 775 divided between 3 employees per hour was all that we could afford." Tsuchimikado explained.

"Alright, but how did you guys decide the salaries? That couldn't have possibly been easy right?"

"No, it was actually rather simple. All they did was play rock-paper scissors. Kamisato won first and was kind enough to not request all of the yen and only 325. Hamazura then beat Accelerator and went for 300. Accelerator was then stuck with the leftovers, 150 yen." Tsuchimikado said.

"Damn. I actually feel pretty bad for him." Touma admitted.

"Yeah yeah but anyway Kami-yan… here's what you need to spread out across the island." Tsuchimikado said, handing Touma a bunch of figurines.

"W-wait, Tsuchimikado, why are these figurines of me?!" Touma asked in exclamation.

"What else would they be of? All of the girls are yearning for you Kami-yan. If these figurines are of you, then the girls finding these will give them the strength to carry on!" Tsuchimikado shouted fiercely.

"Riiiiight. Where do I have to put these exactly?" Touma asked.

"Anywhere is fine. I trust your discretion in placing these. After all, the girl that wins this competition will be closer to becoming your girlfriend. Your actions here could determine who is voted off tonight." Tsuchimikado said cryptically as he walked off.

"Huh. I should might as well try my best to place these figurines around I guess…"

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"Shokuhou! Why are you corrupting my friends?!" Mikoto suddenly shouted out in the cabin.

"Hah? What are you talking about Misaka-san? All I'm doing is socializing with MY dear friends." Misaki said innocently as Saten and Kongou stared at Mikoto in confusion.

"What's wrong Misaka-san?" Saten asked in slight concern.

"Misaka…?" Kongou also voiced.

"N-nothing…" Mikoto muttered as she walked out of the cabin, anger apparent in her now quiet voice.

"Onee-sama wait!" Kuroko urged as she ran towards Mikoto.

"What is it Kuroko?" Mikoto asked stiffly.

"Why did you yell that out in the cabin just now?"

"Isn't it obvious?! Shokuhou can't be trusted at all! It's clear to see that she's just toying with my friends like pawns!" Mikoto yelled out.

"Really Onee-sama? She seems rather kind to me." Kuroko admitted,

"W-What?! Not you too Kuroko!"

"A-are you really okay Onee-sama? Maybe the stress of the competition is just getting to you…" Kuroko said worriedly as she reached out a hand to Mikoto.

"*Sigh* I can't believe this. Leave me alone." Mikoto said coldly as she walked off.

"O-Onee-sama wait!" Kuroko said once more but it was to no avail however.

"Why is Onee-sama acting so oddly?" Kuroko asked herself.

"It's probably just because she's nervous." Misaki said from behind Kuroko.

"M-Mental Out? What are you doing here?" Kuroko asked wearily.

"Oh I just wanted to ask Misaka-san if everything was alright. She's seemed rather irritable of late." Misaki replied.

"D-don't lie to me…! I've heard the rumors of how you always manipulate those around you!" Kuroko said venomously.

"Oh? Are you really someone that judges others based off of what other people tell them? My my, Shirai-san, I'm quite disappointed." Misaki said in mock sadness as she walked off while Kuroko had a look of rage on her face.

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"Okay… that about does it." Touma said to himself as he hid the last figurine.

"I sure hope that these aren't too hard to find."

"Yeah you better hope." A familiar voice said.

"K-Kamisato? What are you doing out here in the middle of the woods?" Touma asked in alarm.

"I just decided to take a break and walk around. But more importantly Imagine Breaker, would you mind if I gave you some advice on… girls?" Kamisato offered.

"Advice? Um, sure I guess. Why not?" Touma accepted.

"Alright man, listen to me. What kind of girl is your favorite?" Kamisato asked seriously.

"My favorite? That would have to be the onee-san types that like to pamper you!" Touma said passionately.

"I see… so tsunderes are a no go for you huh?" Kamisato inquired as he rubbed his chin.

"Uh… no not really. They kind of annoy me." Touma said.

"Okay, that's good. That's good. You didn't make the same mistake I made." Kamisato said relieved.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well you see… I used to love tsunderes and ever since I got World Rejector, I started to attract more and more of them. Now, not all of the girls in my harem **were** tsunderes but the majority of them **were**. However, as I attracted more and more girls, the tsunderes I adored transformed into… yanderes." Kamisato said quietly as sweat dripped from his face.

"Yanderes huh?" Touma said offhandedly as he recoiled in fright.

"Yeah… yanderes. The jealousy that gnawed at them grew too powerful and violence took hold of their minds. Each time we were in the bedroom, I… I had to run for my life. Their techniques frightened me to the point where I had to escape. It was all I could do to avoid having my d*** falling off from overwork." Kamisato summarized.

"And your point is…?" Touma asked in an uncaring manner.

"Don't go for too many tsunderes man. Don't do it. It'll be too much for you to handle." Kamisato warned.

"I see… but that doesn't apply to me since I don't have a harem." Touma said innocently.

"…You dumbass virgin." Kamisato said insultingly as he walked off.

"What's his deal?" Touma asked puzzled.

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"You know, now that Index isn't here… it feels really quiet." Ureapaddy said sadly.

"Yeah the bi*** was annoying but she provided some necessary entertainment in this dull competition." Leviana said sassily.

"What do you think the next challenge will be like?" Kanzaki asked everyone.

"I don't know but with that Tsuchimikado guy, it's gonna most likely be something incredibly stupid." Agnese said irritated.

"Does anyone here actually like Touma Kamijou?" Lessar asked seriously.

Looks of shock immediately became apparent amidst the 'Magnificent Magicians'.

"W-what are you talking about? I'm obviously here for the money." Leviana lied between her teeth.

"Y-yeah, who cares about that idiotic boy?" Agnese jumped in.

"I-I agree…" Kanzaki muttered nervously.

"Oh that's good. I was worried about any in-team rivalries but it seems like I was mistaken! It's good to know that I'm the only girl on this team that likes him at the very least." Lessar said happily as the other girls began to regret their words.

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"Alright everyone, it's good to see you all again for another challenge!" Tsuchimikado announced.

"Oh joy…" Awaki muttered distastefully.

"Today, we are having a good old fashioned scavenger hunt! All you have to do is run around the forest collecting some Touma figurines. There are 50 figurines in all! After half an hour, you are to come back to the mainland with all of what you have in tow!" Tsuchimikado quickly explained.

"Huh. That's a lot simpler then what I expected." Oriana admitted.

"Get ready…. get set…. GO!"

As soon the word GO left Tsuchimikado's mouth, the girls ran in varying directions into the forest.

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The 'Magnificent Magicians' decided to mainly cover the east side of the forest to thoroughly clean out at least one area.

"Hey I found another one!" Angelene exclaimed happily.

"Wow, did they just litter them all out in this one area or something? We already have 20." Agnese commented.

"Don't get too overconfident everyone. We still have about 20 minutes left." Othinus pointed out to which everyone steeled their wills.

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"Meltdowner, how are you progressing? Misaka inquires as she inwardly scorns the 4th Level 5's laziness."

"*Sigh* Being with you is so fu***** tiring…" Mugino complained.

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"Oh Misaka-san, I see you are working hard." Misaki said in a demeaning manner.

"Shokuhou… what are doing? Everyone else is working hard and you're just casually walking around." Mikoto scorned.

"You know better than anyone else Misaka-san, that my physical ability is not that strong. Not that I mind though. I'd rather be the way I am now then be like you with your tomboyish personality and pathetic chest." Misaki laughed heartlessly.

"Y-you…!"

"So I see that these are your true colors Shokuhou-san." Fukiyose said as she arrived out of nowhere with her arms crossed.

Saten who was originally with Mikoto, shivered in fright over seeing two Level 5's argue so viciously.

"And what of it?"

"After seeing the way you act, do you honestly believe that our team is going to stand to keep you around?"

"Please. You should all be more worried about yourselves. Loyalty and teamwork aren't going to lead you to victory in this competition." Misaki said as she walked away.

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"Damn it! Where the hell are they? We haven't found a single one yet!" Awaki complained.

"Calm down. If you want to win, you have to learn how to keep your cool." Konori warned.

"Oh don't worry about that. I usually know how to keep my cool. It's just that when I'm teamed up with this half-assed teleporter, I have just a **little** bit of trouble calming my nerves." Awaki grumbled hatefully as she purposely tripped Kuroko.

"O-ow! What the hell?!" Kuroko whined.

"N-now you two… our other members split up across the forest so they probably found something. Do you want them to show us up when we get back to the mainland?" Konori questioned as Awaki started to somewhat regret her actions.

"I'm sorry Konori-senpai but I just… can't anymore." Kuroko said as she walked away.

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"Oh boy." Tsuchimikado muttered.

"What's wrong?" Hamazura asked.

"After checking the other cameras hidden around the island, I think that one girl is about to do something that she really shouldn't do." Tsuchimikado said seriously.

Hamazura raised his eyebrows in confusion but he didn't ask his employer any other questions.

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"If it's for Onee-sama's sake then… I'll do whatever it takes to win this for you!" Kuroko said to herself as she began to teleport across the forest.

"I'm kind of worried about Kuroko…" Mikoto said quietly.

"I'm sure she's fine Misaka-san. Everyone here has enough common sense to not start physically fighting while being broadcasted… I hope." Saten replied uneasily.

"I sure hope you're right Saten-san…" Mikoto said mostly to ease her nerves as she continued to search around for figurines.

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"What do you think Kamijou-kun thinks about all of this Priestess-sama?" Itsuwa asked Kanzaki as they gradually searched the west side of the forest.

"Well… knowing him, he's probably upset and embarrassed at himself for letting this all happen. But it IS Tsuchimikado that caused this so it's all really his fault." Kanzaki answered.

Itsuwa was about to respond but a cry of fright came from the south side of the forest.

"W-who was that?" Itsuwa asked worriedly.

"That sounded like Ureapaddy-san, let's go!" Kanzaki said determinedly as she ran towards the source of the scream with Itsuwa following close behind her.

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"Wow, this challenge is already over. This was… really boring compared to yesterday's event." Kamisato commented.

"Yeah I feel sorry for the fans but it's honestly pretty hard to think of over 20 challenges." Tsuchimikado admitted shamefully.

"Eh, I wouldn't worry about it Tsuchimikado. I doubt that many are expecting much from this show." Touma said pessimistically.

"Well, even if they aren't I can assure you that the next challenge is gonna blow some socks off."

"Oh really? What's the challenge?" Kamisato asked curiously.

"I'm not gonna spoil it on camera! You'll just have to wait and see my dear friend." Tsuchimikado said slyly.

"By the way, do you know where Osamu and Accelerator are?" Touma asked.

"Accelerator's back at the dock fixing a broken boat and Osamu's… jacking off back at the cabin I believe."

"*Sigh* Of course he is…" Touma sighed.

"Oh here they come!" Hamazura pointed towards the hordes of girls that were coming back from the forest.

"That challenge was really boring and needlessly exhausting." Kongou commented scornfully.

"Yes yes I know. But I can assure you that this end result won't be 'boring'." Tsuchimikado said grinning.

The girls were confused by his statement but they were too exhausted to question him.

"So let's tally up the amount of figurines shall we? Let's see here… 'The Superb Scientists' have obtained 30 figurines! And what is this? The 'Magnificent Magicians' have only obtained 20 figurines? How disappointing!" Tsuchimikado announced much to the shock of both teams.

"W-WHAAAAT?! 2-20? That' how much our group found! What the hell were the rest of you doing?!" Agnese yelled out in pure frustration.

"S-sorry. I held our group up. I thought I kept hearing bears or something so most of the time… the rest of the team kept trying to cheer me up." Ureapaddy admitted shyly.

"Unbelievable…" Agnese said coldly, frightening those around her.

"So with this, it's time to announce the winner!"

"Why bother? It's clear that we won." Awaki said confidently.

"The winners are the… 'Magnificent Magicians'!" Tsuchimikado announced.

"…WHAAAAAAAT?!" Everyone shouted in mystification.

"W-wait, didn't you just say that we won?" Mikoto asked in perplexity.

"Nope. I said that you had more figurines but I didn't say that 'you won'. 'Superb Scientists', you have some voting to do and the 'Dock of Loss' is waiting for your arrival tonight!" Tsuchimikado said as he waved off.

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OUHOUSE~ AISA HIMEGAMI

"Since I don't stand out and nobody pays attention to me, I can see why we lost. It's a shame but at least I don't have to worry about being voted off.

OUTHOSUE~ END

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OUTHOUSE~ KUROKO SHIRAI

"Why the hell did we lose?! We clearly won, 30-20! Geez, when we get to the 'Dock of Loss' I swear…"

OUTHOUSE~ END

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OUTHOUSE~ MISAKI SHOUKOHOU

"Honestly, I can't believe that none of them have figured out why we lost. Either none of them have the fortitude to pay attention, or they just don't care. Well, it doesn't matter which. As long as I get my prince in the end, that's all that matters!"

OUTHOUSE~ END

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OUTHOUSE~ SERIA KUMOKAWA

"These girls are truly brainless. Do they just not pay attention? Unbelievable. Though, there is **one** girl that probably knows… that blonde witch. Speaking of her, it seems as if her strategy consists of deception and manipulation. That would have been ideal for me, but thanks to her unintentional 'sacrifice', my only safe option from now on is to play the role of the martyr that hopefully doesn't meet her demise….. if only Touma remembered what he did for me…"

OUTHOUSE~ END

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"Hello everyone! Glad to see that you could all make it!" Tsuchimikado announced as each of the girls sat on a stump.

"I'm still rather confused as to why we're even present here." Konori said irritated.

"Oh you'll see, you'll see. Kami-yan, bring forth the takoyaki!" Tsuchimikado ordered.

"Right." Touma said as he walked up with a plate of **11** pieces of takoyaki.

"When you are voted off, you can't come back here. EVER!" Tsuchimikado exclaimed as he took off his glasses and made the girls slightly uncomfortable.

"Start it up Kami-yan. I'm sure that there will much surprise when we find out who was eliminated."

"S-sure…" Touma wasn't even sure who got eliminated. When Tsuchimikado announced that the 'Magnificent Magicians' won, he was just as shocked as everyone else.

"Misaka, Saten, Fukiyose." Touma started off, throwing each of them a piece of takoyaki.

"Imouto, Beauty-senpai, Himegami."

"Mugino, Awaki, Kongou, Konori."

"Alright, here we go! The last two! Shokuhou Misaki or Kuroko Shirai! Who will it be?! Tsuchimikado shouted loudly, trying to hype up the upcoming demise of one of the girls.

Kuroko twitched nervously fearing for the worst while Misaki sat confidently despite a slight look of astonishment being present on her face.

….

…..

…..

…..

…..

…

…..

"Misaki Shoukuhou." Touma said stiffly. For some reason, this girl's face always faded from his mind and she looked unfamiliar to him no matter how often he was said to have saw her.

"As expected." Misaki said as she caught her piece of takoyaki, almost dropping it in the process due to her exceedingly poor athletic ability.

"W-what?! Who-who voted me off?!" Kuroko yelled out with reasonably perplexed rage.

"Yeah, who did? I thought we all agreed to vote off Misaki." Konori pointed out.

"Wait…. what?!" Misaki shouted out furiously.

"Oh? Why are you surprised Shokuhou? Did you not think that I would tell everyone of your true character? How you're actually a conniving little bi*** who just uses others feelings as insurance for your schemes?!" Mikoto said disdainfully much to Touma's shock.

"Huh. You have a disgustingly foul mouth Misaka-san." Misaki started as she walked off towards the cabins. "Goodbye Shirai-san. I hope we never have the pleasure of seeing each other again until we get back to Academy City." Misaki said grinning deviously as the girls glared at her menacingly.

"Well everyone, the reason Shirai was voted off is because… she cheated. Funny thing though, if she didn't cheat. Mental Out would've been voted off since everyone else voted against her." Tsuchimikado said.

"Ch-cheated? What do you mean?" Mikoto asked suspiciously.

"She used her Esper ability to find the figurines. I clearly said before the start of the first challenge that no one and I mean **no one** is allowed to use any supernatural abilities they have. Shirai blatantly disregarded that rule." Tsuchimikado said sternly.

"D-did you really do that Kuroko?" Mikoto asked sadly.

"…Yes Onee-sama I'm sorry but I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure you at least came close to ending up with that ape. It seems I failed however… After all these months, I've finally realized that my feelings won't ever reach you. Your happiness is my happiness Onee-sama, even if it costs me mine." Kuroko smiled sadly as she walked off to a 'Boat of Failure'.

"Kuroko…" Mikoto muttered despondently.

"W-wait, this isn't fai-" Fukiyose started.

"Sorry no can do Fukiyose. She has to go." Tsuchimikado said seriously as he blocked her path.

"Sorry girl, better luck next time." Accelerator said uncaringly as he drove the boat.

"W-what do you mean next time?! I'm eliminated!" Kuroko retorted confused.

The girls all headed back to the cabins with mixed looks of sadness and anger.

"That was… quite dramatic." Touma said for lack of a better term.

"Yeah man, that **is** the point of this show after all… aside from finding you a girlfriend." Tsuchimikado said smiling.

"Man I'm beat." Hamazura muttered as he turned off his camera. "Let's go back to the shack. Kamisato and Osamu are probably waiting for us."

"Yeah, sure. I'm pretty tired too." Touma agreed.

When the three of them got back to the cabin, Osamu has a startling revelation to make.

"Guys…I… I… I think I have erectile dysfunction." Osamu said somberly.

Instead of laughing or crying, Touma and the others just waved him off in an indifferent manner.

"I'd say it's about time." Touma said as he got ready for bed.

"I'm surprised your d*** hasn't fallen off yet." Hamazura remarked.

"At least you can do some work now instead of jacking off all day." Tsuchimikado said dryly.

"W-what?! How can you guys just disregard this! This is serious! This is a matter of life and death!" Osamu exclaimed despite no one paying attention.

As Osamu continued on with his rant, Tsuchimikado's phone rang.

"What?! There's service on this island?!" Touma yelled out. His phone wasn't working anyway. He dropped it in the bathroom earlier and he cursed himself.

"Yeah… oh this looks serious. Give me a sec guys." Tsuchimikado said as he exited the cabin.

"Hello?" Tsuchimikado answered.

"Tsuchimikado-

"Oh Stiyl! How's it going? Are you enjoying this amazing competition! I still haven't told them that this is actually being brodcasted worldwide yet!" Tsuchimikado interrupted.

"No. Don't even start. I'm just glad that Index was voted off first. But anyway Tsuchimikado… I'm calling because there's something… serious." Stiyl said grimly.

"What's up?" Tsuchimikado asked with a stark change in tone.

"Necessarius has been getting several letters that are death threats addressed to Touma Kamijou. They say how much they want him to suffer eternal agony and how they also want to kill off the other members of the Kamijou Faction. We're unable to track who sent these letters but there are slight traces of mana from them. We're still working on it but I'm just warning you that your little show… might not be going on for much longer if Touma Kamijou winds up dead. Make sure he doesn't die." Stiyl said before hanging up abruptly.

"Death threats huh…."

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	5. The Strength of Heart

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

 **REVIEWER RESPONSE:**

 **whwsms: Those death threats though… the fear is real.**

 **Darkbetrayer: Well, the competitions are kind of hard to write I'm not gonna lie. This chapter though was the most fun for me to write so far. A lot more crap happens, compared to previous chapters.**

 **naruhinasakufan1: Yeah the people on the island are pretty OP.**

 **FireDusk: Yeah the kuroko/touma ship is pretty weak on this site but don't worry. I won't spoil anything but later on in this story, there will be a point where 'everything' changes.**

 **Guest: My goal was to make Misaki seem like a bitch since reality shows always have this archetype. That scene with Misaki would've been funny though. And you're right, Touma only calls her Kumokawa-senpai. At least I'm pretty sure.**

 **Yakutsu Zaishiro: I'm sure everyone is fearing for if and when Misaki is voted off.**

 **Handsomistic1: I wonder…**

 **wildarms13: Make the girls likeable? Huh, I'll see if I can do anything about that though I doubt it…**

 **Brosephg: Or maybe the death threats could stem from something else entirely.**

 **321jaz: Ey, I saw what you did with the drama part. Anyway, answers will come soon my friend. Soon…**

 **The SENDER and the TRAVELER: Maybe you're right or maybe you're not.**

 **Guest: Wow. I can sense the malice from all the way here. Damn.**

 **Geust's Account: Wow that was quite the grand review. I appreciate it. And once again, the Misaki hype. I feel like all of my readers love her. Oh boy… and as for the death threats… you'll have to wait and see.**

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 _PREVIOUSLY ON TOTAL DRAMA HAREM…_

 _There were death threats aimed towards Touma…_

" _Necessarius has been getting several letters that are death threats addressed to Touma Kamijou. They say how much they want him to suffer eternal agony and how they also want to kill off the other members of the Kamijou Faction. We're unable to track who sent these letters but there are slight traces of mana from them. We're still working on it but I'm just warning you that your little show… might not be going on for much longer if Touma Kamijou winds up dead. Make sure he doesn't die." Stiyl said before hanging up abruptly._

" _Death threats huh…."_

 _And our second competitor was eliminated…_

" _Well everyone, the reason Shirai was voted off is because… she cheated. Funny thing though, if she didn't cheat. Mental Out would've been voted off since everyone else voted against her." Tsuchimikado said._

 _With these recent developments, who will get eliminated in this next round and how will Touma deal with those death threats?_

 _Find out right now on… TOTAL…DRAMA…HAREM!_

 _Opening Song_

 _Dear Sensei and Father I'm Doing Fine_

 _You Guys Are About To Find_

 _Out What I Wanted To Be_

 _You'd Have To Be Idiotic Not To See_

 _I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _The Other Girls Better Run_

 _So, Pack Your Crap I've Already Won_

 _Nothing to Prove, You're Just In My Way_

 _I'll Reach There One Day_

 _Cause I Want To Be With Touma_

 _Nanana nanaana nana nana_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

' _Tsuchimikado whistles to theme'_

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"Today's competition should be… entertaining to say the least." Tsuchimikado said randomly as he ate his breakfast.

Touma, Accelerator and Hamazura were eating breakfast in the cabin. Kamisato was busy with his janitor duty.

"Why do you say that?" Touma asked while trying his best to forget Osamu's cries of despair from last night.

"You'll see Kami-yan, you'll see. This challenge required little to no effort to set up so we all get to relax until later today." Tsuchimikado responded.

"Hey, what was that phone call last night about? You looked pretty fucking salty when you came back inside." Accelerator asked curiously.

"Oh nothing nothing. Just some dweeb that threatened to kill me if I didn't cancel this show." Tsuchimikado lied expertly.

"Shouldn't you try to cancel this show then? The reception seems pretty bad so far." Touma asked in a hopeful manner.

"Hah! Nice try Kami-yan! Even if Academy City blows up, we're still gonna be running this show so don't go trying to run away now!" Tsuchimikado retorted laughing.

"Of course… such misfortune…"

"Um… do you guys know where Osamu is?" Hamazura jumped in. Ever since Osamu confessed his…. 'issue' last night, no one has seen him since. Tsuchimikado said that he couldn't find any trace of him on the island so he has no idea how or where he could've ended up.

"No. Still no sign of him. I don't want to predict the worse but he might be de-

"Hey wait don't say that! I'm sure he's alive! I'm sure of it!" Touma interrupted passionately.

"I don't know… not being paid, having diarrhea and possibly having erectile dysfunction? If all of that happened to me in the course of mere days I'd contemplate the worth of my life too." Hamazura said honestly as he tried his hardest to imagine the pain Osamu must be going through.

"Well anyway, I'm sure we'll find Osamu soon. He couldn't have gone too far… if he's still alive." Tsuchimikado said forebodingly.

"Anyway… what's this next stupid ass competition you have planned?" Accelerator asked lazily.

"I don't want to spoil it for you but it has something to do with the heart."

"The heart huh?" Touma said offhandedly.

"Yeah the heart. The universal depiction of human emotion and by extension… love."

"What the hell are you planning?" Touma asked exhausted.

Before Tsuchimikado could answer, a girlish yelp coming from the mainland took hold of their minds.

"Hey was that-

"Come on let's go!" Touma interrupted Hamazura as all of the guys ran outside their cabin and towards the mainland.

The guys eventually reached the cafeteria which is where the scream originated from.

"Hey girls what's going on?!" Touma shouted worriedly.

All of the competitors except for one sat down tiredly at their seats while the one lone girl was twitching disturbingly on the floor.

"A-Agnese what's wrong?!" Touma yelled out worriedly as he dropped down and held her.

"Th-that pit is…" Agnese muttered before falling unconscious.

"What… what the hell happened to her?!" Touma yelled out in worry.

"Well…" Leviana started. "When we came in here for breakfast a very foul smell was coming in from the kitchen. Nobody had the courage to go check it out but Agnese stepped in since she was fed up with everyone's whining. However, after a couple of minutes she emitted a piercing scream that frightened all of us. Then Kanzaki stormed in after a while with her eyes closed and pulled Agnese out." Leviana briefly explained.

"I see. But what caused her to scream?" Touma asked.

"I-I don't know. I was scared too so I got out of the kitchen as fast as I could." Kanzaki said regretfully.

"That… doesn't sound good. We should investigate this shouldn't we?" Tsuchimikado asked Touma, Hamazura and Accelerator seriously.

"Yeah hopefully my Imagine Breaker can help out here." Touma said.

"I have a really bad feeling about this…" Hamazura said worried.

"Ah you fuckers can go check. I have something to do." Accelerator said with a slight grin on his face as he exited the cafeteria.

"Huh that's odd. Normally you would expect him to jump into the fray." Touma said surprised.

"Ah whatever. I'm sure he has his reasons. Let's go guys." Tsuchimikado announced as he Hamazura and Touma opened the door into the kitchen.

When they entered, they immediately felt like running away. The scent was monstrous. It smelt like if someone took a shit onto a dish with an egg omelet and chicken curry mixed together. The kitchen itself was a mess. Silverware was scattered all over the place and several ingredients were strewn about as well. The most noticeable thing however was the big pit in the ground.

"What the hell is this doing here?!" Hamazura shouted as he pinched his nose.

"Good question. Let's find out." Tsuchimikado said as he cringed at the smell.

For some reason, there was a ladder that led down into the pit so the three of them took it. It was a rather quick climb but when they reached the bottom they felt immediate regret.

"U-um guys is this-

"Yeah unfortunately. I had no idea that this is what **he** was doing with his food." Tsuchimikado grumbled angrily.

"Why… why would Accelerator do something like this?!" Touma shouted with contempt.

At the bottom of the pit of the kitchen was- you guessed it… piles of food that Accelerator has made over the past couple of days.

"Accelerator… was he trying to kill those poor girls?!" Hamazura said disdainfully.

"I…I don't know. This smell could easily kill a human being if they were stuck here for over an hour. We have to get out of here." Tsuchimikado suggested as he and the others eagerly climbed up the ladder.

"We have to ask him about this later." Touma declared in such a serious tone that it made even Tsuchimikado back off a bit.

"Y-yeah this is some despicable shit…"

When the guys exited the kitchen, the girls asked them a multitude of questions. However, their default response was…

"If you attempt to investigate what lies beyond that kitchen you may die." After that the girls tried their best to steer clear of that subject since the horrified looks on the guys' faces disturbed them.

Eventually though, the time for the competition came and Accelerator was nowhere to be found. Outside of the cabins, Tsuchimikado and the other guys prepared the 'equipment' for the next contest. Agnese wasn't participating this round since she was still unconscious from being in contact with the 'pit'.

The equipment consisted of two tables, a stage, a pen and paper on each table and… that was it.

"Hello contestants and welcome to the next challenge! Today we will be focusing on the heart." Tsuchimikado announced on the stage.

"The heart? What are you talking about?" Fukiyose asked in a befuddled tone.

"In order to convey your love for Kami-yan, each team has to write a poem that perfectly depicts the feelings they hold for our dear spiky-haired hero. However, the poem can only be 4 lines. I'm sure you're all shitty so I was kind enough to lessen the misery for you. Both teams will have 20 minutes to write out a poem and the person deciding the winning team will obviously be me! Try o not disappoint the man, the myth and the legend himself!" Tsuchimikado explained as he pointed towards Touma who was just sighing.

"Such misfortune…"

"Get to work everyone!" Tsuchimikado yelled, signaling the beginning of the competition.

"Hey Imagine Breaker, which team do you think is gonna win?" Kamisato asked as he continued his daily task of sweeping the perimeter of the island.

"Huh? Um, I don't really know honestly. Both teams don't really have great writers- well at least to my knowledge anyway." Touma answered in an almost uncaring tone.

"Geez you're selfish." Kamisato scoffed disdainfully.

"H-huh? What are you talking about?"

"You have mad girls competing for a chance to be with you and you act all nonchalant, like it means nothing to you!" Kamisato roared fiercely, throwing his broom across the ground.

"Are you kidding me Kamisato? There's no way in hell any of these girls like me. They all have their own agenda for this competition I'm sure." Touma said in an exasperated tone.

"Hey Hamazura you're filming this right?" Kamisato yelled out towards the direction behind Touma.

"Yeah I've filmed every word. It's a shame boss. It's a damn shame that that's how you truly think…" Hamazura said pitifully as he walked off.

Touma just shook his head and waited for the competitors to write their poems.

"Can anyone here even write poetically?" Leviana asked the 'Magnificent Magicians'.

Everyone shook their heads except for one girl who timidly raised her hand.

"I-I can…" Angelene said quietly.

"Ah you certainly seem like the type." Lessar said.

"Well we'll leave it to you then Sister Angelene. None of us here are good writers so we're counting on you." Lucia said kindly.

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OUTHOUSE~ OTHINUS

"I'm honestly quite glad that someone else took the burden of writing the poem since even though I have written fairly often throughout my life, they usually contain… inappropriate language. I hope that sister doesn't do the same…"

OUTHOUSE~ END

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At that point Angelene was left to construct a poem by herself as the rest of her team went about with their own agenda.

As that was going on…

"Accelerator, there you are!" Touma yelled out aggressively briskly walking towards the white-haired albino.

"What's your problem fucking hero?" Accelerator asked curiously.

"Why did you do that… deed in the kitchen?! That pit could take lives!" Touma roared.

"That's the point." Accelerator answered simply much to Touma's bewilderment,

"H-huh? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Ask Tsuchimikado. He should tell you." Accelerator said before taking a seat.

' _Huh. Was Tsuchimikado in on it or something?_ Touma thought as he walked off towards the spy.

As Touma went to talk to his best friend, the 'Superb Scientists' were working together to construct a loving poem of their own.

"This shit really isn't my thing." Mugino said with an irritated sigh as she was encouraged to sit this one out.

Himegami was writing down what the other girls were saying.

"Shokuhou, how come you're not suggesting anything?" Mikoto asked angrily.

"Ah Misaka-san, I apologize but after the terrifying scream from earlier this morning, I need to calm my nerves for a bit." Misaki said with a coy smile on her face.

"Don't bother Misaka, she's not going to help us." Konori said.

"Wow, she's a bitch." Awaki said bluntly as she too sat this one out since she lacked a way with words.

"E-excuse me?!" Misaki exclaimed, losing her cool.

"What it's true isn't? You're a coy bitch that makes others do work for her." Awaki said coldly.

"…" Instead of talking back, Misaki decided to be 'mature' and merely sit this one out.

"Misaka wants to run away from the tension, Misaka says as she feels scared for her safety."

"In the future, I think that we should stay out of these arguments." Kongou said to Saten who nodded nervously in agreement.

"Himegami, how many more lines do we need?" Seria asked.

"Two."

"*Sigh* I'm pretty sure we're screwed on this one." Mikoto said in a defeated tone.

"Don't say that Misaka-san! What if the 'Magnificent Magicians' are having as much trouble as we are?" Saten suggested enthusiastically.

"Yeah I doubt that. Nobody here has any poetic sense after all."

As Mikoto was saying that, Angelene finally finished her poem.

"Ah Angelene you're finished? Do you mind if I read it?" Ureapaddy asked. The other girls were making small talk amongst themselves in the corner. Ureapaddy didn't feel like joining them since they were aggressively trash talking the 'Superb Scientists.'

"U-um sure…" Angelene said shyly as she passed the paper over to Ureapaddy.

"Alright let's see here…

 _My Beloved_

 _So handsome, Makes me want to embrace him_

 _As my body stiffens, I'll want to touch him_

 _Like a faucet, my insides will start to blossom_

 _He will harden and then we will bask in our garden"_ Ureapaddy recited.

"W-wait a second Angelene! Y-you can't submit this! It's way too inappropriate!" Ureapaddy said in shock.

"…' Angelene didn't say anything and just looked to the side while blushing.

"T-that does it! I'm going to have to rip this monstrosity!" Ureapaddy threatened as she started to tear the paper much to Angelene's horror.

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OUTHOUSE~ UREPADDY EXICA

"Maybe I overreacted… just a bit. Ha…hahaha."

OUTHOUSE~ END

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"W-wait! What do you think you're doing?!" Lucia shouted as she ran up to Ureapaddy and grabbed the paper.

"Have you lost your mind?!" Lucia shouted once more.

"Wait wait! Just read what she wrote!" Ureapaddy insisted.

"Fine. Let's see…. WHAT?! S-sister Angelene, how can you even possibly THINK about submitting this?!" Lucia said aggressively, crinkling the paper.

"…" Angelene simply looked away.

"Hey is everything alright here?" Kanzaki asked worriedly.

"L-look we can't submit this poem!" Ureapaddy insisted.

After that, the 'Magnificent Magicians had argued over whether or not they should submit the poem.

As for the 'Superb Scientists'….

"Geez it took a while but we finally have something that's…. decent." Fukiyose said unconfidently.

"Oh the 20 minutes is up." Konori announced.

"Alright let's go then…" Mikoto said quietly. She wouldn't say it aloud but reading the poem made her cringe.

"Okay everyone! It's time to submit your poe-

"Tsuchimikado!" Touma interrupted as he ran on top of the stage.

"Oh Kami-yan what's up? You look rather serious." Tsuchimikado commented, lowering his microphone.

"Accelerator told me to ask you about the pit."

"Ah that. So Accelerator came up to me after we investigated the pit and he gave me a rather interesting suggestion." Tsuchimikado said grinning.

"W-what do you mean?" Touma said, slightly taken aback.

"You'll see Kami-yan you'll see. Just take a seat at the center of the stage there and I'll announce it to everyone." Tsuchimikado said holding back his laugher as Touma reluctantly took a seat in the middle of the stage.

"Anyway as I was saying, it's time to submit your poems! Let's start off with the 'Superb Scientists' first! I'm gonna give the 'Magnificent Magicians more time since they were arguing for the last 10 minutes." Tsuchimikado said as Saten gave Tsuchimikado the poem that they wrote.

"But before I begin, there is something I must announce to you all." Tsuchimikado started much to the two teams' confusion.

"So after Shirai Kuroko was eliminated due to cheating, we decided to give more of a penalty if someone were to cheat during this sacred competition." Tsuchimikado said evilly.

"If you cheat, you will be dropped down in the pit in the kitchen for 2 hours."

"U-um… what's in the pit?" Kongou asked anxiously.

"Do you REALLY want to know? You won't have to know unless you cheat so let's keep it that way." Tsuchimikado said uncharacteristically serious.

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OUTHOUSE~ MUGINO SHIZURI

"For some reason, when that asshole said that, I felt fear that I've never felt before…"

OUTHOUSE~ END

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"But anyway, back to business. Let's recite the poem crafted by the 'Superb Scientists'!

 _The Spiky-Haired Hero_

 _So dashing, amidst his constant passing_

 _Saving others, like a dashing steed_

 _Embracing girls like a hero from a novel_

 _Like a true hero, he makes his enemies grovel._ " Tsuchimikado recited.

"Huh what a trashy poem. Let's see what the 'Magnificent Magicians' have in store shall we?" Tsuchimikado asked, signaling the other team to present the poem.

"U-um about that…" Lucia started hesitantly.

"What? Could it be that the 'Magnificent Magicians' DON'T have a poem?"

Lucia nodded hesitantly and showed him the ripped up piece of paper.

"Wow! What a couple of dumbasses ruining their chance for victory like that! But either way, it's clear that the winners by default are the 'Superb Scientists'!" Tsuchimikado declared much to the 'Superb Scientist's' shock and approval.

The 'Superb Scientists' celebrated their victory while Misaki and Seria walked away with no emotion on their faces.

Night came and Agnese recovered… somewhat and joined the campfire.

"Kami-yan, you know the drill! Start it up!" Tsuchimikado said handing him the takoyaki.

"Alright…" Touma sighed.

"Othinus, Kanzaki, Birdway."

"Itsuwa, Oriana, Agnese."

"Orsola, Lessar, Lucia."

"Hold it right there Kami-yan! It's time who was eliminated? Ureapaddy or Angelene? Time to find ou-

"HOLD IT!" A familiar voice shouted from the docks.

"T-that voice… why… why is Aogami here?!" Touma yelped in alarm as he saw the silhouettes of the other member of the Delta Force and some other people behind him.

"TOUMA KAMIJOU! YOUR TIME HAS COME! PREPARE TO FACE YOUR DEATH!" Aogami said loudly, gripping a spear in his right hand.

"CHARGE MEN! CHARGE!" Aogami declared, signaling all of his followers to attack Touma.

"Such misfortune!" Touma yelled out his iconic phrase as he began to run away.

"We have to help him!" Kanzaki stated fiercely before Tsuchimikado stopped her.

"Oh no you don't nee-chin! This type of action is exactly what our show was lacking! Leave him, he'll be fine on his own I'm sure." Tsuchimikado in an almost uncaring tone.

"A-alright. If you're certain…" Kanzaki said reluctantly stepping off to the side.

"Hamazura follow the crowd and stay hidden! Be sure to record the outcome of the fight properly!" Tsuchimikado ordered.

"Right!" Hamazura agreed, chasing after the angry mob that was chasing Touma.

"Oh man, I can't afford to miss this shitfest." Accelerator said with a grin on his face as he too followed Hamazura and the others.

"Hmm, me too. I'm interested to see this outcome." Kamisato said dropping his broom and beginning to chase after the mob.

"Well now that Kami-yan's gone, I guess I'll announce who was voted off. The audience can find out next episode. I'm sure the anxiety was killing you two anyway." Tsuchimikado said, grabbing the last piece of takoyaki.

"…..

….

….

…

…

….

….

…Ureapaddy, you're still in. Sorry Sister Angelene." Tsuchimikado said with a somber look on her face.

"This was a rather difficult vote." Orsola admitted, sweat on her brow.

"Yeah the two of you were both kind of in the wrong." Othinus said.

"I-it's fine…" Angelene said sadly.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have gotten mad at you like that." Ureapaddy said to Angelene to which she just shook her head aggressively.

Lucia and Agnese were visibly upset and didn't say anything so no one decided to talk to them.

"When Accelerator comes back, he'll drive the 'Boat of Failures'." Tsuchimikado said.

In the meantime …

Touma was chased into the middle of the forest with Aogami and his followers still chasing him.

Kamisato, Hamazura and Accelerator were trailing behind the large crowd by hiding behind the several bushes and trees scattered around in the forest.

"Aogami! Calm down! Why are you trying to kill me?!"

"Isn't it obvious Kamijou! You have the gall to conquer girls… and even make a T.V. show out of it?!" Aogami questioned with venom in his voice.

"It wasn't my idea! It was obviously Tsuchimikado's!" Touma argued.

"Bullshit! I know how you are Kamijou! You take pleasure in showing off your harem don't you?!"

"WHAT?! I don't do that!" Touma shouted back. It was to no avail however. Aogami and his followers were blinded by rage and Touma had no idea how to stop them.

' _Crap! I can't take on that many people at once in this environment! There's nothing I can do- wait. I CAN do that but… is it worth it? Is it worth sacrificing my pride?'_ Touma wondered.

"DIE KAMIJOU!" Aogami and his followers screamed out unanimously.

' _Shit, I have to do it! There's… there's no other way to end this peacefully!'_ Touma decided.

"Guys hold up! There's actually something I have to confess." Touma said, stopping his run.

"What is it? Are you gonna confess that you're actually gay or something?" Aogami joked, earning a few laughs from his followers.

"…Yeah actually. I'm gay." Touma lied.

"W….WHAT?! There's no freaking way!" Aogami said involuntarily stepping back.

"This whole competition is a ruse Aogami don't you see! I'm just the figurehead for this stupid ass show!" Touma lied further.

"Huh. That would explain why you don't have a girlfriend when they're always fawning all over you. But I still don't know…" Aogami reasoned.

"Y-yeah don't you see? It's obvious isn't it? I'm just in it for the fame. You know how unfortunate I am right? I just want a little light in my life even if it's just popularity." Touma said, desperately wanting Aogami to believe his lie.

"Hmm… I see Kamijou I see. It seems we must apologize. I had no idea you were hiding such a secret. We'll take our leave then." Aogami said as he and his followers walked towards the 'Dock of Loss'.

Hamazura, Accelerator and Kamisato who were hiding behind a veil of trees could tell that Touma was lying but for some reason… they still feared for their chastity.

The day ended and Aogami and his mob left peacefully. The two teams had no idea of what had transpired but the world did. Would they ever find out? Only time will tell…

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GRAMMAR FIXES ARE APPRECIATED


	6. A Recorded Expectation

**REVIEWER RESPONSE:**

 **naruhinsakufan1: Glad to see your continued enjoyment! Yeah the scene at the end made me laugh a lot too.**

 **whwsms: Well your ideas are intriguing but this story isn't M unfortunately.**

 **wildarms13: Haha, no need to worry. Osamu will be coming back in due time.**

 **Brosephg: As always thanks for the continued support! I really did put Touma in a tight spot there.**

 **Darkbetrayer: Oh senpai senpai senpai, you my friend are vastly underestimating the Pit's presence…**

 **Anon Guest: Yeah thanks for the feedback as always. I do feel bad for doing that to Angelene… it feels like I'm killing off characters.**

 **FireDusk: Hmm, now that you mention it, fear did play a big part. And props to Angelene as well. Superb writer, much better than me in all honesty.**

 **RedSS: Poor Touma indeed.**

 **So a couple of things to say here before the chapter starts.**

 **Firstly, the reviews on fanfiction are kind of effed up. Some don't appear so from now on I'll be notified by e-mail for every review. Hopefully that clears that issue up and if I didn't respond to a review here, I greatly apologize. That problem will hopefully be averted next chapter.**

 **Secondly, I'm terribly sorry for the late uploads on all of my stories. I've had major writer's block recently and typing up this chapter was pretty difficult. In addition to that, my writing for this chapter may not be up to par due to the block so I'm sorry if that ends up being the case. However, it is a new year and with that new hype. So I'm gonna try to push for new chapters more often.**

 **Enjoy!**

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 _PREVIOUSLY ON TOTAL DRAMA HAREM…_

 _Our third competitor was eliminated…_

"… _Ureapaddy, you're still in. Sorry Sister Angelene." Tsuchimikado said with a somber look on her face._

" _This was a rather difficult vote." Orsola admitted, sweat on her brow._

" _Yeah the two of you were both kind of in the wrong." Othinus said._

" _I-it's fine…" Angelene said sadly._

" _I'm sorry… I shouldn't have gotten mad at you like that." Ureapaddy said to Angelene to which she just shook her head aggressively._

 _Lucia and Agnese were visibly upset and didn't say anything so no one decided to talk to them._

 _And Touma gave us all a startling 'revelation'…_

"… _Yeah actually. I'm gay." Touma lied._

" _W….WHAT?! There's no freaking way!" Aogami said involuntarily stepping back._

" _This whole competition is a ruse Aogami don't you see! I'm just the figurehead for this stupid ass show!" Touma lied further._

" _Huh. That would explain why you don't have a girlfriend when they're always fawning all over you. But I still don't know…" Aogami reasoned._

" _Y-yeah don't you see? It's obvious isn't it? I'm just in it for the fame. You know how unfortunate I am right? I just want a little light in my life even if it's just popularity." Touma said, desperately wanting Aogami to believe his lie._

" _Hmm… I see Kamijou I see. It seems we must apologize. I had no idea you were hiding such a secret. We'll take our leave then." Aogami said as he and his followers walked towards the 'Dock of Loss'._

 _After such a grueling competition and false revelation, how will Touma deal with the consequences of his dreadful decision?_

 _Find out right now on… TOTAL…DRAMA…HAREM!_

 _Opening Song_

 _Dear Sensei and Father I'm Doing Fine_

 _You Guys Are About To Find_

 _Out What I Wanted To Be_

 _You'd Have To Be Idiotic Not To See_

 _I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _The Other Girls Better Run_

 _So, Pack Your Crap I've Already Won_

 _Nothing to Prove, You're Just In My Way_

 _I'll Reach There One Day_

 _Cause I Want To Be With Touma_

 _Nanana nanaana nana nana_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

' _Tsuchimikado whistles to theme'_

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"So…. Boss…" Hamazura started before shaking his head and resuming his consumption of breakfast.

"Uh, what?" Touma asked. He didn't know that Hamazura and the others were spying on his conversation with Aogami and his mob last night.

"So… hypothetically… what would you do if you were locked in a hotel room with a… man?" Hamazura asked awkwardly as Accelerator, Tsuchimikado and Kamisato looked at Touma in slight fear.

"Wait what?! What the hell kind of question is that?!" Touma roared violently as he slammed his fists on the table.

"W-woah calm down boss! Calm down! I told you that it was just hypothetical!" Hamazura reminded him.

"If you say so…" Touma said hesitantly.

"So? What's your answer hero?" Accelerator asked impatiently.

"My answer?! Isn't that obvious?! I wouldn't do shit!" Touma roared again.

"I don't know Kami-yan…. it took you a little bit **too** long to answer that question…" Tsuchimikado pointed out.

Tsuchimikado learned of Touma's 'confession' from Kamisato and the others when he came back from the 'Dock of Loss'. While the girls didn't know, Tsuchimikado was tempted to tell them just to see their reactions. That and the show would get a _lot_ more interesting.

"What?! Are you guys trying to accuse me of being gay or something?!"

"Now now calm down Imagine Breaker it's alright." Kamisato whispered in a reassuring tone. "There's nothing wrong with liking the opposite sex. No one here would judge you for that."

"Are you kidding me?! Of course I'm not!" Touma shouted as he stormed out the cabin.

"You know Tsuchimikado, we should really stop teasing him like this." Hamazura suggested.

"Yeah yeah I know but it's pretty fun. And also…" Tsuchimikado started before a smile formed on his face.

"Also what?"

"This just gave me the idea for a future challenge…" Tsuchimikado said cryptically much to the other guys' confusion.

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Touma wandered back to the mainland with a gaze of rage stained on his normally neutral face.

' _Those dumbasses… what the hell is their problem?'_ Believe it or not, Touma actually had a lot of pride.

As he aimlessly walked around, he bumped into Ureapaddy.

"O-oh sorry!" Touma exclaimed as he held his hand out to the fallen girl.

"I-it's alright." Ureapaddy muttered as she got up on her own.

"Anyway, is there something wrong? You look pretty upset."

"O-oh it's nothing important." Touma said much to Ureapaddy's concern.

"…Could it be that you're upset about Sister Angelene's elimination?" Ureapaddy guessed, snapping Touma out of his slight daze.

"Um… I don't really know honestly." Touma responded in an almost hardhearted tone.

"You don't know?" Ureapaddy said irritated as she squeezed her fists.

"Y-yeah…?"

Ureapaddy then punched Touma square in the face causing him to stagger a bit before gradually regaining his balance.

"Agh!" Touma groaned. "What was that for?!"

"You better fix that attitude of yours. Does this competition mean nothing to you?!" Ureapaddy spat out much to Touma's bewilderment.

"N-no of course not!" Touma said reluctantly. "This is all just a ploy of Tsuchimikado's that we all got roped into!"

"Is that really how you see it?! And to think that I actually had feelings for you…!"

Touma looked baffled as he began to rub the spot on his face that got brutally punched.

"I don't get it. Why are you so mad?" Touma asked in pure curiosity.

"You're really too dense for your own good." Ureapaddy said pitifully. "To many of us, this competition means so much more than money or fame. Don't you realize that?"

"I don't understand. What else could you possibly gain from this?" Touma questioned her.

"I guess I have to spell it out for you then…" Ureapaddy began as a slight tinge of pink greeted her cheeks.

"WE ALL LIKE YOU!"

…

A couple of minutes passed in silence before Touma shook his head in an exhausted fashion.

"Is this your idea of a joke?" Touma said simply.

"What?"

"Am I being filmed right now? Hamazura you there?!" Touma shouted towards the nothingness of the dense forest that was behind him.

"What are you talking about?"

"There's no way that all of you could like me. I'm the weakest Level 0 in Academy City that has misfortune plaguing him day and night! I'm the most boring person you've probably ever dealt with in your life and you're telling me that over 20 girls like me? I just don't buy it…" Touma shook his head.

"…I see. If that's truly how you think of yourself then I have nothing more to say to you." Ureapaddy walked off with a depressing smile on her face.

Touma just stood there not realizing that the two teams were eavesdropping on the conversation from behind the cafeteria's cabin.

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"So what's the competition for today looking like?" Kamisato asked he grabbed his broom.

"Oh today's nothing too special. It's just an egg and spoon race." Tsuchimikado answered as he did some morning stretches.

"Oh boy, that sounds like it's gonna be a pain in the ass." Hamazura said.

"Well at least it's those bitches doing it and not us." Accelerator pointed out, earning a rather hearty laugh from the other guys in the room.

"Anyway, I should probably call up Touma now and tell him about today." Tsuchimikado said before he left the cabin.

"So there's still no word on that pervert?" Accelerator asked Hamazura and Kamisato who just looked at each other in confusion.

"I'm talking about Osamu you dipshits."

"Osamu…? Oh yeah! That guy! To be honest, I almost forgot he existed." Kamisato said frankly.

"Wow and I thought I was an asshole." Accelerator as he looked at Kamisato in a rather disdainful way.

"I actually gave up on finding him. Tsuchimikado and I could find no trace of his presence on this island so I'm afraid we have to assume the worst…" Hamazura said sadly as Accelerator grinned.

"Hmm? What's so funny Number One?" Kamisato asked, trying to believe that Accelerator wouldn't have that much of a morbid sense of humor.

"There's no way that shitstain is dead."

"Really? And what makes you so sure?" Kamisato asked.

"People like him will desperately cling to their passion no matter what. And considering how much we saw him jacking off, I doubt that he's gonna kick the bucket before doing it a couple thousand more times." Accelerator smiled crudely as he stated what he believed to be one of the most obvious things in the world.

"Huh. Accelerator… could it be that you're actually not a dick?" Hamazura asked in astonishment.

"Go f*** yourself." Accelerator said while failing to hide the smile he had plastered on his face.

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It was time for the challenge which required little to no preparation.

Everybody was at the mainland and stood in front of what appeared to be a short little race track. Touma stood at the sidelines not saying anything much to the puzzlement of the other guys. The girls understood though and they didn't really blame him for it.

"Before we begin, I have to announce that the outhouse is under construction due to… unforeseen circumstances from last night. Because of that, there are no outhouse confessions for today's competition." Tsuchimikado explained before he cleared his throat and got back into his MC phase.

The reason the outhouse was out of order was because the guys kept taking shits since the shock of what Touma said last night really got to them.

"Attention everybody! It's time for today's competition and I'm sure it's clear what is considering what's behind me!" Tsuchimikado announced as he pointed to the table behind him.

On the table, there were a bunch of spoons and eggs.

"Uh…sorry but I still don't know what it is…" Kanzaki admitted much to the agreement of some other players.

"*Sigh* Never mind. It seems like I overestimated the intelligence of some of you here." Tsuchimikado said tiredly, earning some glares from the competitors.

"Today, you will all be taking part in an egg and spoon race. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's a competition where two teams have people carry an egg on a spoon to the finish line. However, what makes this difficult is that it's hard to balance the egg on the spoon so many people frequently drop it." Tsuchimikado briefly explained.

"Ah I see. So it's basically a test of patience then." Misaki stated.

"Yeah you could think of it like that. But for this contest, we're gonna be...changing it up." Tsuchimikado added with a devious grin that made everyone shudder.

"W-what do you mean 'changing it up'?" Mikoto asked frightfully.

"I'm adding two rules to make things more interesting." Tsuchimikado started.

"One: Both teams will pick two people to use for two races. If one team wins both races, they win the competition for the day. However, if there's a tie, there will be a tie-breaker with two new players. Two: Each contestant has three 'lifelines' so to speak. You can break three eggs without any penalty other than the time you wasted. However, if you break the fourth egg… well I don't think you want to know. Hopefully it doesn't come to that." Tsuchimikado said in an almost somber manner, shocking everyone present.

"Anyway with that, I shall give both teams 5 minutes to pick who they want to use for the two races!" Tsuchimikado announced before going to take a quick shit in the outhouse.

"So, any volunteers?" Konori asked the rest of the 'Superb Scientists'.

Misaka Imouto raised her hand.

"Misaka feels as if she was MADE for this Misaka says as she tries to make a cool pose."

"A-alright." Konori and the others sweat dropped. "Anybody else?"

Awaki raised her hand.

"Eh, I think I'll probably do fine." Awaki said casually. No one went against her and with that, the two competitors for the 'Superb Scientists' were chosen.

Meanwhile, with the 'Magnificent Magicians'…

"Does anyone here have confidence in their ability to win this?" Kanzaki asked the rest of her team.

No one raised their hands. Lessar would've but she's not the best at balancing things.

"Alright then I guess we'll just have to do this the hard way then." Leviana jumped in. "I'll just pick someone randomly."

"Huh? What about you?" Lessar asked in an accusing tone.

"I don't feel like participating today." Leviana said simply. Truthfully, the scene she saw earlier today with Ureapaddy and Touma sapped her motivation a little bit.

"How about you?" Leviana pointed at Lucia.

"M-me? Well I suppose I can try…" Lucia accepted.

"And how about…you?" Leviana pointed at Orsola. "You seem sane enough."

"Me? Sure. I can't guarantee a victory but I'll most likely be fine."

And with that, the two competitors for the 'Magnificent Magicians' were chosen.

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Touma got a phone call during the preparation phase and the caller ID startled him to say the least.

"Aogami? What's up?" Touma answered.

"K-Kamijou, good thing you picked up. Listen, I have to warn you of something." Aogami said with great anxiety in his voice.

"U-uh sure. What is it?"

"There's another island Kamijou! And you have to be careful because on that island there's-"

Aogami's voice cut off leaving Touma very vexed over what the hell Aogami was talking about.

After that, the 5 minutes were up and the competition was about to begin.

"Okay, first up is Lucia from the 'Magnificent Magicians' and Misaka Imouto from the 'Superb Scientists'. Tsuchimikado announced as the two said competitors made their way to the race track.

Thankfully, the track wasn't that long. The length was the distance between the cafeteria cabin and the living quarters.

Misaka Imouto and Lucia stepped up while holding a spoon with an egg.

"Ready…." Tsuchimikado began. "…..BEGIN!"

And with that the race commenced.

The two competitors walked fiercely to the finish line and to be honest it was kind of boring so Tsuchimikado decided to do something…extra.

He brought a fan from who knows where and plugged it into an outlet into the back of the cafeteria cabin that no one knew existed.

"H-hey Tsuchimikado what're you do-"

Touma was interrupted however as the fan turned on, its blades spinning at blinding speeds.

Everyone was pretty perplexed as to why Tsuchimikado would do such a thing. However, it soon became clear as he directed the fan towards the competitors.

The wind hit the two girls' waists and the two teams glared at Tsuchimikado who just walked away with an innocent smile on his face.

"TSUCHIMIKADOOOO!" Lucia yelled out as the helm of her nun outfit got a bit too breezy.

Compared to her though, Misaka Imouto was in a much shoddier situation.

The breeze lifted her skirt up, revealing her panties much to the delight of the male viewers.

Despite this though, Misaka Imouto kept her cool without so much as a hint of irritation.

The 'Superb Scientists' cheered her on and Tsuchimikado even looked a little impressed. Lucia ended up dropping her first egg after this though.

"Damn it." Lucia cursed under her breath. It truly meant nothing in the end though as Misaka Imouto swiftly crossed the finish line.

"WHAT?!" The 'Magnificent Magicians' shouted in unison.

"Wow. To be honest, I wasn't expecting any round to go that fast but there we go I guess." Tsuchimikado said as he the next two competitors stepped up, Orsola and Awaki.

The race began just as the other did and Tsuchimikado turned on the fan as well to make things needlessly difficult.

However, on this race, Awaki ended up dropping the egg once.

And again…

And again…

And again…

And yet again…

"Woah woah woah! Wait a second here!" Tsuchimikado yelled out in surprise.

"Musijume, I thought that you were an exhibitionist! Why are you so embarrassed enough to the point that you would drop the egg 3 times?!"

Awaki merely grunted in response.

"Well, I think that's the biggest plot twist we've gotten this whole show." Kamisato told Accelerator.

"Yeah, the bitch is pretty perverted. I thought that she'd relish this opportunity since this is national television and all.

"W-who do you think I am?!" Awaki shouted, overhearing the offensive conversation taking place.

"Heh, well this is unexpected. Due to your constant egg droppings Musijume, I'm afraid that it's time for the… penalty." Tsuchimikado said in a hushed shady tone much to Awaki's fright.

The game was paused and everyone was alerted to go to the cafeteria and when they showed up, they knew that Awaki was screwed. Even the 'Magnificent Magicians' felt pity for the poor girl.

"Wait Tsuchimikado are you serious?! Show her some mercy!" Touma exclaimed. "Wasn't this just supposed to be for cheaters?!"

"Yeah you're right Kami-yan, it was meant for cheaters. However, I thought that this would be a good opportunity to see what would happen if someone were left in there overnight." Tsuchimikado answered much to the dismay of the other competitors.

"B-but she could die in there!" Touma objected.

"Nah she won't die… probably. And due to the severely foul stench, I doubt that she's gonna be sane enough to use Move Point." Tsuchimikado rejected unsure as he pushed Awaki into the dreaded Pit that was in the cafeteria. As she was falling she could see the sorrowful faces of her teammates and enemies.

She tried to use her power but it was impossible. The stench was too foul to concentrate. And with that, Awaki was trapped inside the Pit.

Nobody said a word and they all just stood there in a moment of silence. Even Tsuchimikado who caused this whole mess had slight look of pity as he walked out of the cabin.

The competition continued though, and everyone tried their hardest to forget Awaki's misery.

"So the game's tied then. And you all know what that means right?! Tiebreaker! Both teams have two minutes to choose their final competitors!"

"Anybody want to go?" Kanzaki asked her fellow 'Magnificent Magicians'.

"M-me." Itsuwa timidly raised her hand.

"Are you sure…?" Kanzaki asked her.

"Yes. I feel as if I've barely contributed."

"Well if you really feel up for it…" Kanzaki reluctantly allowed.

The 'Superb Scientists' on the other hand did a lottery and by chance Mikoto won.

"Alright! Let's start the final race!" Tsuchimikado announced.

Mikoto and Itsuwa walked slowly yet determinedly. They were both balancing the eggs on their spoons fine but it all came downhill once the fan begun to blow.

Itsuwa blushed fiercely as everyone expected but shockingly enough, Mikoto stood her ground and walked forward with the slightest tinge of pink on her cheeks.

"Huh. Incredible. I was sure that she'd act like Itsuwa." Kamisato voiced.

"Yeah me too. The Third Rate definitely seems like the type…"

"It's her shorts." Touma interrupted.

"Huh?" Kamisato and Accelerator questioned at the same time.

"She wears shorts underneath her skirt so she has no reason to be embarrassed." Touma jumped in.

"Oh so that's it!" Everyone exclaimed.

And with that, Mikoto won rather easily due to the blushing Itsuwa standing in place.

"And that does it! The 'Superb Scientists' win again!"

The 'Magnificent Magicians' cheered while the 'Superb Scientists' jeered.

Then it was time for the vot-

"Sir, it's time to go."

"Ah yes." Roberto Katze answered as he shut the tape off and prepared to go.

He was just watching a recording of the latest episode of 'Total Drama Harem!' since it's become the new hit show across the world.

Well actually, he was watching it since he was going to Academy Island himself as a special guest in this diabolical show. The American people urged him once he announced the host Tsuchimikado made the proposal so he decided to go along with it.

However, he had no idea what his role would be.

Only time would tell…

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	7. An Invasion of Sorts

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 _Last time on Total Drama Harem,_

 _Jghndkspgjakhgsljgaljgkdkhjgsjinbtiunbsiunaorrbejnainvoamrjainivanrianerineia_

 _Vavakv ekrneinaanovavoavaovnaomraovmaovmeovmemveov_

 _ **ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR**_

 _Find out right now on… TOTAL…DRAMA…HAREM!_

 _Opening Song_

 _Dear Sensei and Father I'm Doing Fine_

 _You Guys Are About To Find_

 _Out What I Wanted To Be_

 _You'd Have To Be Idiotic Not To See_

 _I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _The Other Girls Better Run_

 _So, Pack Your Crap I've Already Won_

 _Nothing to Prove, You're Just In My Way_

 _I'll Reach There One Day_

 _Cause I Want To Be With Touma_

 _Nanana nanaana nana nana_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

' _Tsuchimikado whistles to theme'_

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"Tsuchimikado, you **do** know that the Aogami kid isn't the one who was really sending those death threats to Kamijou right?" Stiyl said through the phone.

"Yeah yeah I know. Well he DID send death threats but there were obviously no traces of magic on them. The group after Kami-yan and his faction are still out there." Tsuchimikado commented seriously.

"You better be prepared. I have an idea of who it is but I'll keep that a secret. I don't want to say anything that I'm not conclusively sure of." Stiyl said.

"Hey man, you do you. We're doing fine here and considering the powerhouses we have on this island, we'll be fine." Tsuchimikado said confidently.

"Hmm, yeah you're right. There's not much reason to worry considering who they'd be dealing with." Stiyl agreed.

"Oh, look at the time! Shit Stiyl, I've gotta go! Everyone's waiting for me right now!"

"Whatever, see you." Stiyl hung up and Tsuchimikado rushed out of the cabin, running towards the main clearing.

Little did Stiyl know that Tsuchimikado already knew who the death threat senders were.

Both teams were there along with Touma, Hamazura, Kamisato and Accelerator. Osamu was still who knows where and Awaki wasn't around. Well she was but she was resting in the cabin after being in the 'Pit'.

"Well well well, it looks like everyone is already here!" Tsuchimikado exclaimed.

"It's been like half an hour Tsuchimikado, what's going on?" Touma asked in slight trepidation.

"Oh nothing nothing. I just had to take a call and to make sure that our…'special guest' arrived with no issues."

"Wait, this show has guests now?" Mikoto blurted out.

"Oh you're damn right it does." Tsuchimikado responded with a jovial grin.

"I have a feeling that this isn't going to go well…" Ureapaddy muttered.

"Alright everyone, we still have a little while before the competition for today starts so you can all do your own thing for now. I just wanted to tell you to be on your best behavior for my 'special guest'. He isn't someone that you want to get on the bad side of." Tsuchimikado announced, causing both the Superb Scientists and Magnificent Magicians to theorize on who this mystery guest could be.

"Hey, do you know who this guest is Kamisato?" Touma asked.

"Hmm, I think I might have an idea but I won't say anything for now. I don't want to ruin the surprise." Kamisato grinned to himself.

Touma shook his head at Kamisato's tone and looked at Accelerator and Hamazura who seemed to be having a conversation of their own.

"You know, I've been thinking…" Touma started. "What's gonna happen to the girl that wins this…thing?"

"What do you mean? They're going to become your girlfriend obviously." Kamisato answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well, I don't know why but something's telling me that it won't be that simple."

"Come on, you're over thinking it Imagine Breaker!" Kamisato slapped Touma's back. "Relax, loosen up! Think of this as a vacation man! Why are you stressing out so much?"

Touma wanted to say 'because of my misfortune' but he stopped himself. Why _was_ he stressing out so much? In the end, he'll end up with a girlfriend no matter what right? And they're all great girls too! What is there to stress out about?

"Huh, you know what? You're right Kamisato. I think I'll take your advice." Touma agreed.

"That's the spirit!" Kamisato smiled. "And trust me, when you learn about the truth of this show, you'll-"

"Woah woah woah! Watch your mouth there Kamisato!" Tsuchimikado shouted in interruption.

"R-right sorry." Kamisato scratched his head and apologized.

"Wait, what do you mean, 'truth of this show'?" Touma asked in slight fright.

"Nothing nothing. You're hearing things Kami-yan." Tsuchimikado insisted…a little too much. "Anyway, I need you two for something. Come to our cabin. Accelerator and Hamazura are waiting for us there too."

Tsuchimikado turned and walked towards the forest but Kamisato's words didn't leave Touma's head.

' _Truth of this show'? What the hell are they talking about? Is there something more sinister in the works here?'_

"Yo, you coming Imagine Breaker? Tsuchimikado sounded pretty serious there." Kamisato snapped Touma out of his thoughts.

"Ah right. Yeah, let's go."

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"Are you alright Misaka-san? You look like you've seen a ghost." Misaki commented with a sly smile.

"…Leave me alone Shokuhou." Mikoto sighed and weakly retorted.

"Aw, don't be so sour Misaka-san! Have fun, think of this as a vacation!"

"Yeah right. As if I could have fun with **you** here."

"…I'm not here to make enemies Misaka-san."

"Really? Because that's all you seem to know how to do." Mikoto scoffed.

"It's difficult socializing with people without my power." Misaki pouted.

"Don't try to act all meek and vulnerable in front of me Shokuhou. Your act's not going to work."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Misaki said quietly and grinned as Saten started to walk towards them.

"Misaka-san, are you still fighting with Shokuhou-san?" Saten asked somewhat angrily.

"Saten-san, you don't underst-"

"Oh no I understand." Saten interrupted as Misaka grew a look of confusion. "I honestly had a hard time believing it but I had to face the truth. You're…jealous of her aren't you?"

"…WHAT?!" Mikoto shouted in unbridled shock as the rest of the Superb Scientists looked over.

"You're jealous of her looks aren't you?!"

"WHAT?!" Mikoto shouted again.

"Don't think I didn't catch your glances at Shokuhou-san's breasts for the past couple of days Misaka-san. You also stare at her…behind from time to time when we're going to bed."

"Wait wait wait, what are you talking about Saten-san?!"

"Ah~, so that's what's going on. I should've known…" Misaki smiled.

"I didn't realize that Onee-sama was that obvious about her desires. MISAKA states with slight amusement." Misaka Imouto said from the sidelines.

"Wait, you've got it all wrong…!"

"Well, I can't really blame you for feeling that way. Your figure is…pretty shitty to say the least." Mugino commented rudely.

"You…!"

"You could've talked to me Misaka. I would've talked about your problems with you." Konori said sympathetically.

"That's not-"

"Don't worry Misaka-san. Even though you're a Level 5, feel free to talk to us about your problems!" Fukiyose said passionately.

"Would all of you just shut up?!" Mikoto yelled out amongst the incessant chatter. "You know what?! Screw this! Some teammates you guys are, not even listening to me!"

Mikoto walked away as the rest of the Superb Scientists looked on.

From the corner of the cabin, Seria was sitting by herself and contemplating.

' _So that's what the blonde vixen is doing huh? She's purposefully trying to act friendly in order to earn the sympathy of those around her. Huh, something like this shouldn't work with the rest of the team already hating her guts but maybe I was wrong. Maybe the rest of the team actually had doubts about Misaka's foul claims on Misaki from the start. She did throw her fair share of tantrums while we were in the cabin numerous times. If that's the case then…Misaka might not have long left here.'_ Seria thought as she continued to stay out of the drama.

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"We're in a rather dire situation aren't we?" Kanzaki stated somberly.

"You could say that again. We've already lost three of our members and the Scientists have only lost one and that was just because one of them was cheating." Leivinia agreed.

"It's still weird to not see Itsuwa around here." Agnese admitted.

"Do you regret voting her off?" Orsola asked.

"…No, as much as she tried, she still screwed up a lot in the last challenge." Agnese reluctantly admitted.

"What's Tsuchimikado's been saying is bothering me." Ureapaddy suddenly changed the subject.

"How so? I mean yeah, it's Tsuchimikado we're talking about but are his antics different than usual?" Oriana questioned.

"I'm not sure but his tone…disturbed me."

"I agree." Lucia popped in. "His tone during that announcement seemed much more salient than usual."

"Meh, I think you guys are worrying too much." Lessar waved off.

"I don't think you're worrying enough." Leivinia snapped.

"Geez, you guys don't know how to calm down."

"…It's a wonder that you haven't been voted off yet." Lucia said deadpan.

"Come on, I know you guys secretly love me!" Lessar stood up straight.

"No." Was the consensus around the room.

Awww, you guys are no fun!" Lessar whined.

The rest of the Magnificent Magicians inwardly vowed to vote her off if they were to lose again.

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 **OUTHOUSE- LESSAR**

"Honestly, those girls are far too pure for their own good. Lover boy isn't attracted to meek, softhearted girls. He's attracted to moi. He just doesn't see it himself yet. When he finally realized his inner M, he'll come running to me…"

 **OUTHOUSE- END**

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"There you fu***** are. Took you long enough." Accelerator remarked as Touma, Tsuchimikado and Kamisato walked in the cabin.

"Sorry sorry." Touma said all the guys waited for what Tsuchimikado had to say.

"So what's up?" Hamazura asked.

"I have to come clean with you guys. I found a clue of Osamu's whereabouts." Tsuchimikado announced.

"…So?" Accelerator questioned in an annoyed tone.

"Yeah, who gives a shit about him?" Kamisato agreed.

Tsuchimikado took a deep breath and began to expand upon the news.

"Well, I just found out about something…interesting concerning Osamu and it's in our best interests to find him."

"Um…care to elaborate?" Hamazura prompted.

"Sorry, can't say so for confidential reasons but what I can say is that if we don't find him, this island's probably going to explode." Tsuchimikado stated bluntly.

"…WHAT?!" Touma exploded in shock as the rest of the guys had similar expressions of astonishment present on their faces.

"Sorry that I can't explain the why or how but we **have** to find him. Everyone's livelihood is at stake here."

Touma, Accelerator, Kamisato and Hamazura all briefly glanced each other and within seconds, decided to trust Tsuchimikado. He sounded pretty serious about all this.

"Alright. We'll help out Tsuchimikado. I mean, I would've gone myself if no one else was going but whatever. Where's this clue at?" Touma asked.

"It's on the other end of the island. I found a certain belonging of his there. I honestly have no idea how we missed that before."

"Huh, well alright. Let's get going then." Accelerator suggested as the rest of the guys nodded their heads and left the cabin.

On the trek to the opposite end of the island, Touma brought up a question that's been stewing in his mind ever since Osamu disappeared.

"So…do you all really hate Osamu that much?"

"Yes." Everyone minus Hamazura said.

"But why though? I mean, he's just like us at heart isn't he?" Touma argued.

"Um, what?" Accelerator stopped in his tracks. "Did you just compare me to… **him**? You better take that shit back because if you don't…" Accelerator readied his choker.

"No no wait!" Touma insisted. "I mean, Osamu's the purest one of us for lack of a better term. We're all perverts-"

"Speak for yourself." Hamazura interrupted.

"We're all perverts but there's always something holding us back. For me, it's just who I am. For you Kamisato, it's due to the events that happened with the Magic Gods and your harem."

Kamisato looked away.

"For you Accelerator, it's your tsundere personality."

"Shut the fu-"

"For you Hamazura, it's that you have a closet ton of fetishes that you're self-conscious about."

"…" Hamazura sighed.

"And for you Tsuchimikado, it's because you're trying to protect your sister."

"…Hm."

"Don't you see? Osamu didn't let the constraints of society and judgment stop him! He stayed true to himself and even though he's pretty disgusting, it's still admirable. The dedication he has to his arousal is what all of us strive for I think. I guess you could say that I…look up to him." Touma spouted out complete bullshit in an attempt to make the guys care about Osamu more.

' _God, what the hell was that? There's no way in hell they're gonna fall for th-'_

"You're right." Kamisato said.

"What?" Touma squeaked.

"I said you're right. Osamu, while really annoying with his constant business, is what I strive to be. My harem is constantly telling me to be more honest with my desires and as loathe as I am to admit it, I'm not. I feel…scared that they'll reject me if I show my true self. I could learn a thing or two from Osamu." Kamisato sighed. "If I were half the man he is, I'd be in a much better place with my harem right now."

' _Wow, how the hell did he pull that out from what I said?'_ Touma questioned inwardly.

"Boss, you're right." Hamazura started. "I haven't been honest with Takitsubo and it's really hurting our relationship. She knows that I'm hiding something or…some things from her. I've been too scared of revealing my fetishes to her but that's not how a man should act. I have to be up front with my desires like how Osamu is and if she's not okay with that, then it's still fine. I just…I have to be true to myself."

' _Huh. I had no idea that Hamazura was keeping all of that bottled up inside of him.'_

"You never cease to amaze me Kami-yan." Tsuchimikado grinned. "You're right. While I've always found Osamu's antics a bit annoying, I couldn't say that I hated him. I actually see a little of myself in him. His honesty to his arousal makes me a bit jealous believe it or not. I've held back my desires but seeing Osamu's pure jovial nature at life makes me want to be truer to myself."

' _That was…surprisingly deep for Tsuchimikado.'_

After that, everyone stared at Accelerator for his heartfelt speech about accepting and respecting Osamu but he just shook his head.

"Let's just fu***** go." Accelerator stated.

The rest of the guys decided to not grill him for now and they continued their trek until they hit the edge of the island.

"Wow, the clue's this far out huh?" Hamazura said in shock.

"Yeah, it's still right here for some reason." Tsuchimikado pointed to the ground to which everyone walked towards.

On the ground was a broken cell phone. It was next to the entrance of a cave. The screen was cracked and the blue color of its casing immediately gave its owner's identity away.

"It's Osamu's phone." Touma stated the obvious.

"Yeah, my guess is that he's in that cave." Tsuchimikado guessed.

"Um guys? I don't think we have to check." Hamazura said nervously as he prompted the rest of the crew to look behind themselves.

When they turned around, they saw a…man crawling on all fours. His whole body was bare except for the small leaf made underwear covering his crotch. His hair was long as it reached to his shoulders and his nails were hideously long too.

It took the guys a second but they eventually realized that Hamazura's suspicions were right.

"Osamu?!" Touma shouted out in astonishment.

Osamu didn't respond and merely stared the guys with a predatory glare.

"Wh-what the hell happened to him?!" Touma shouted.

Touma's question went unanswered however as the sound of a plane roared above them.

Tsuchimikado stared up and cursed.

"Shit! They're already here?!"

Touma and the others were about to ask him what he was talking about but once again, they were interrupted by another unforeseen event.

Dozens of figures leapt off of the plane and landed in front of them.

Most of the figures had a black robe on which covered their entire body except for their face.

In the middle was a man sporting a black tuxedo and a red cloak. He looked to be in his twenties. Next to him was a cuffed man who Touma immediately recognized.

"T-the President?!"

The guys were cautious and backed off but the man in the middle shouted.

"What do you peons think you are doing? Trying to run away? Do you lot truly think that you can escape the great Robert Swallow?! Think again!"

Roberto Katze tried to break out of his cuffs but it was to no avail.

"Now, onto business." Robert started. "I'll return the president to you unharmed but only under one condition."

Touma and the others glared at Robert Swallow with trepidation over what his request would be.

"Hand over my pupil, Osamu Yuki."

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	8. Acceptance of the Most Profound Nature

_Opening Song_

 _Dear Sensei and Father I'm Doing Fine_

 _You Guys Are About To Find_

 _Out What I Wanted To Be_

 _You'd Have To Be Idiotic Not To See_

 _I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _The Other Girls Better Run_

 _So, Pack Your Crap I've Already Won_

 _Nothing to Prove, You're Just In My Way_

 _I'll Reach There One Day_

 _Cause I Want To Be With Touma_

 _Nanana nanaana nana nana_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

 _I Want To Be, I Want To Be; I Want To Be With Touma…_

' _Tsuchimikado whistles to theme'_

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"Woah woah woah, let's all just take a deep breath here and calm do-"

Hamazura was rudely interrupted as one of the Swallow family grunts punched him in the gut, leaving him unconscious.

"H-Hamazura!" Touma yelled out in concern.

"As you can see, we're not joking around here." Robert stated matter-of-factly.

"B-but why in the world do you want Osamu? What do you mean he's your pupil?" Touma asked.

"It's exactly as I said. He's my pupil who's been undergoing the Swallow training regimen. He was an interesting peon I encountered in Academy City who seemed rather promising." Robert answered.

"Look…" Kamisato sighed. "Just take him. That's all you want right? We're fine with that."

"Kamisato!"

"What's wrong Hero? Isn't this a reasonable trade? Besides, the shitstain isn't it any real danger." Accelerator gestured towards Osamu who was crawling around like a ferocious animal. "This Robert guy's just going to train him right?"

"Are you going to put Osamu in any danger?" Touma asked Robert who seemed amused by the whole conversation.

"Obviously not. He's my pupil. I vowed to protect him should the need ever arise." Robert answered determinedly.

Touma glanced at Tsuchimikado who nodded. The trade was about to commence.

"Alright. Deal." Touma accepted.

"Excellent!" Robert smiled. "Now, where is Osamu Yuki?"

"He's uh- right…there…" Touma reluctantly pointed towards the disturbing human crawling on the ground.

"…" Robert stared at Osamu with a disbelieving look on his face. "Do you really expect me to believe that this former shell of a man is Osamu Yuki, my pupil?"

"He is Osamu actually." Tsuchimikado confirmed much to Robert's horror. "To be honest, he's had a pretty shitty time here. From having severe diarrhea to suddenly developing erectile dysfunction… I actually feel bad for the poor guy."

"I-I see…" Robert stared at Osamu who still didn't quite seem to grasp his surroundings.

"Anyway, can we make the trade now or what?" Kamisato asked.

"Ah yes of course. Here's your dear president, unharmed." Robert handed Roberto Katze over to Tsuchimikado who looked understandably amazed by the simplicity of the deal.

"And I'll be taking my pupil now. Thank you for your time and I wish your competitors good luck on their future endeav-"

"BROTHER!" A voice from the plane above interrupted.

"Uh…" Touma stared at the sky.

"Who is that girl jumping down?" Kamisato asked Robert who seem rather annoyed.

"I told her to stay up there…" Robert whispered to himself.

Eventually the girl reached the ground with a smile on her face. She looked to be in her late teens and she had quite long blonde hair.

"Sister! Didn't I explicitly tell you to stay on the plane?!" Robert lectured furiously.

"I apologize brother but I wanted to see this 'Touma Kamijou' for myself and to see if Osamu with my own eyes obviously."

"Um, sister?" Kamisato questioned.

"Yes, this is my 'dear' sister, Elizabeth." Robert said disdainfully.

"Hey, what's with the attitude Robert?! I just wanted to confirm things with my own eyes!" Elizabeth pouted.

"Well, my pupil is…there." Robert pointed to the caveman crawling around. "I'll explain it on the way."

Robert was about to grab Osamu but Elizabeth stopped him.

"Wait." She turned towards Touma. "You are the one that the girls are competing for. Touma Kamijou, correct?"

"Uh yeah. Why?"

"Interesting…I've never sensed so much discord in one's heart before…" Elizabeth said curiously.

"Indeed. I noticed it too but it's not our business sister. Let's go." Robert insisted before Touma stopped him.

"Wait! What do you mean there's discord in my heart?" Touma asked with great concern in his voice.

"It's a Swallow family trait that's carried down through every generation." Tsuchimikado said. "They're able to tell if the person standing in front of them is deceiving their own heart."

Robert and Elizabeth nodded while Touma just held a baffled expression.

"Wait a second." Accelerator interrupted. "Did you know that these fuckers were coming to get Osamu? If so, then why not just tell us?"

"It's not that simple." Tsuchimikado sighed. "The Swallow family is kept hidden from the public eye. I was planning on honoring that long running code but it seems as if it's unnecessary now."

"Unbelievable. I've never even heard of them before." Kamisato shook his head.

"I'm…deceiving my heart?" Touma glared at Elizabeth. "How do I know that you're not lying to me? I have the Imagine Breaker! It negates anything supernatural so how're you able to see into my heart?!"

"It's not a supernatural ability peon." Robert said. "While we do have our supernatural skills, the ability to read into one's heart is a natural talent that's simply passed through blood."

"That's ridiculous though! I know myself better than anyone and I know there's no way I'm lying to myself!" Touma insisted.

"It's not a matter of knowing yourself." Elizabeth shook her head. "It's a matter of accepting yourself which is clearly something you haven't done."

Touma was about to argue back but the president who was silent the whole time decided to speak up.

"Don't bother lying Kamijou." Roberto Katze jumped in.

"What?"

"I don't have their ability and it's even obvious to me!"

"Yeah, they're right Kami-yan." Tsuchimikado agreed.

"As annoying as these fuckers are, they're not wrong." Accelerator nodded.

"This is why you have to accept the harem as soon as possible…" Kamisato muttered.

Hamazura who was still unconscious nodded as well even though he didn't even hear the exchange.

"Come on guys! Can we just do this exchange and leave already?!" Touma said in an aggravated tone as he began to walk away.

"Actually, let's not do that quite yet." Tsuchimikado smirked.

Everyone stared at him curiously.

"What?" Touma asked.

"I just got a little idea. Elizabeth, Robert, you guys mind if I ask you a favor?"

Robert and Elizabeth looked a little confused but cautiously nodded their heads.

"It depends on what this favor of yours entails." Robert clarified.

"Right." Tsuchimikado laughed. "Well, I just wanted to know if you guys could help me with the next competition."

"WHAT?!" Everyone shouted in mystification.

"What the hell are you doing Tsuchimikado?!" Touma asked in shock.

Accelerator and Kamisato sported the same expression as Touma but they quickly realized the meaning of Tsuchimikado's actions.

"Ah, I see. Interesting." Kamisato smiled.

"Yeah, this should make the hero open up his eyes." Accelerator laughed.

"Huh?!" Touma shouted.

"Just relax Kamijou!" Roberto slapped Touma's back. "Trust me; you're going to love the outcome of this!"

"Ha…hahahaha! You have a truly devious mind peon!" Robert laughed.

"I think we can agree on accepting right Robert?" Elizabeth asked.

"Indeed! This should prove to be an interesting usage of my time."

Touma who was still lost just walked away, hoping that whatever they had planned wouldn't screw him over.

Oh how wrong he was.

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Touma was led to the area behind the cabins by Robert and Elizabeth. Hamazura eventually regained consciousness and Osamu was being reintegrated into modern life courtesy of the Swallow family grunts. The president was waiting at the location of event

"Who are those two shady looking characters with Touma?" Ureapaddy asked Tsuchimikado who looked incredibly amused.

"Ah, they're just my special helpers for today's competition." Tsuchimikado said vaguely.

"And what exactly IS today's competition? Agnese asked, slightly irritated.

"You'll just have to wait and see..." Tsuchimikado added cryptically prompting the two teams' minds to wander.

In the area behind the cabins, Touma was given a pill by Robert and Elizabeth which seemed to be oddly pink.

"Uh, what's this?" Touma asked the two Swallows.

"Nothing dangerous, don't worry." Robert reassured. "It's merely a…tool to help you out in the competition."

"Wait, I'm participating in it?"

"Yes, in fact you're the main centerpiece."

Touma was about to ask the specifics of what the pill contained but Elizabeth grew tired.

"Look, can you just swallow the pill already? I can vouch for its safety since I made it here on this island from the measly materials that your host provided."

' _Well…this is probably gonna screw me over but they DO look like they're telling the truth.'_ Touma thought reservedly. _'And hell, even if it IS dangerous, I can at least blame Tsuchimikado for a viable reason.'_

So with a lingering regret in the back of his mind, Touma swallowed the pill and blacked out.

"Are you sure of this Robert?" Elizabeth asked.

"Indeed. For I am rather curious as to what the depths of his heart entail."

"If you say so…I'm honestly not sure about this. This guy seems incredibly clueless about the way all those girls feel about him. Even though some of their feelings are stronger than others, there's no doubt that all of them hold feelings for him." Elizabeth said. "It just makes me think…is it really worth doing this to a guy that can't even notice the obvious feelings of love around him?"

"I think that's exactly the point sister." Robert smiled.

"Huh?"

"You see, I've met people like Touma Kamijou though they exist far and few between. While they were all compassionate, kind and strong people, they never reached a happy ending. They always latch on to their pitiful attempts of veiled pride in order to protect those closest to them. Yet the irony is that they never realize **how close** those people are."

"…" Elizabeth frowned.

"It is my hope that making Touma Kamijou swallow the Swallow Serum will aid him in realizing the true depths of the bonds he holds so dear." Robert expanded.

"When you put it that way, there's no way for me to refute is there?" Elizabeth said jokingly.

"Heh. I'm just saying it the way that I see it." Robert chuckled. "Anyway, let's pick him up and put him where the President is. At the very least, this is going to be a delight to view."

"You could say that again." Elizabeth readily agreed.

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"Oh shit, so that's what's going on huh? Wow, I almost feel bad for Boss." Hamazura scratched his chin.

"Don't be. Even if some of the girls hate him by the end of this competition, it would be worth it. He'll at least come to terms with his feelings on who he likes the most." Kamisato said with a slight smile on his face. "Sometimes the present pain of despair filled revelations is outweighed by the hope of the future."

"But wait a second, Boss doesn't know about the truth of the serum does he?"

"No, the Swallows just gave him a half truth."

"Oh boy…" Hamazura sighed.

"This is gonna probably turn into a real shitfest. You guys better prepare to hold back some of the girls in case a catfight breaks out."Accelerator walked into the cafeteria cabin with an amused expression on his usually sour face.

"You seem happy." Hamazura noted.

"Hell yeah I am!" Accelerator shouted. "With this, the harem BS is going to be over with and the Hero can finally move on with his damn life! I don't have to watch this annoying ass 'what if' scenario about what girl the Hero is going to end up with! It's all going to end!"

"You know what, you're right Accelerator." Kamisato agreed. "At least with my harem, I can safely say that I don't love all of them equally. I mean, yeah I love all of them but I love some more than others. It doesn't matter if I like that fact or not, that's just how human nature works. You can't love all of the people precious to you in the same amount and way. It's impossible. My harem knows that and they accept it. Touma and the girls that like him will have to determine what they're doing to do once he reveals the girl he likes the most."

"However, with all that said…" Kamisato looked at the person who just entered the cabin. "Tsuchimikado here seems pretty confident in his bet."

"You know it." Tsuchimikado smiled. "It's time to go guys. The girls are waiting at the entrance of the forest along with the Swallows."

"Hmph, have it your way dumbass." Accelerator chuckled.

Tsuchimikado merely smiled as they all left the cabin.

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"Are all of you ready?" Tsuchimikado asked the two teams who stood by the forest.

"Y-yeah." Awaki said.

"Oh you're up Awaki? How're you feeling?" Tsuchimikado asked with a smug grin.

"Don't you dare ask me that." Awaki said coldly which was pretty understandable.

"Hey Tsuchimikado," Fukiyose started. "Is it true that you drugged Kamijou? These two individuals told us as much." She pointed at the Swallow siblings.

"Well yeah we di-"

"What were you thinking?!" Kanzaki blurted out.

"Wait, let me expl-"

"You went too far Tsuchimikado." Lucia said callously.

"Kami-yan consented to it!" Tsuchimikado yelled. "Besides, it's nothing dangerous, just a type of truth serum."

"Truth serum? What are you trying to make him confess to?" Oriana asked.

"You'll see…let's go!" Tsuchimikado announced as he headed into the forest.

When the group reached Roberto Katze and Touma, many were taken aback.

"Wait, is that-"

"The President of the U.S.?!" Saten interrupted Leivinia with a deafening shout.

"Is…is this the guest that you were talking about Tsuchimikado?" Kanzaki asked unbelievingly.

"Yep. Say hi to the President of the United States everyone! To be honest, his presence here doesn't mean much now considering that the challenge was changed last minute but he's here nonetheless!" Tsuchimikado declared.

"So…what exactly is this challenge Tsuchimikado? Konori asked the grinning spy.

"Well…about that…" Tsuchimikado hesitated.

"It's not a challenge, it's a bet." Accelerator stepped in.

"What? What bet?" Konori asked for clarification.

"We gave the hero the truth serum and we made a deal." Accelerator started. "If the hero says that he prefers one girl here over the others then we all go home with the competition being cancelled. However, if the hero says that he likes all the girls equally then things continue unchanged."

"Wait, Touma agreed to this?!" Mikoto yelped.

"Kind of. He doesn't know the specificities of what the the pill does." Tsuchimikado answered for him.

"Oh boy…" Awaki muttered.

"You should all just start packing now just to save some time." Kamisato advised.

"Hold up, wait a second guys!" Tsuchimikado raised up his hands. "This is a revolutionary moment! Kami-yan's confession here can either make or break this competition!"

"Who was the dumbass that betted on Touma liking all of us equally?" Mugino asked the guys.

"Tsuchimikado." Kamisato, Hamazura and Accelerator pointed.

"I'm with Tsuchimikado on this one." Roberto stood up.

"You are?!" Half of the girls questioned.

"Yeah." Roberto nodded. "Touma is a unique kid, probably one of the most badass kids I've ever met. It wouldn't surprise me if he ended up doing something unexpected like that."

"But still…" Hamazura objected. "This isn't a matter of being a badass which Boss is, but it's a matter of the heart. I don't even think that Boss can say with all his heart that he likes all of the girls here equally."

"Agreed. And I have a harem so I know exactly how this is gonna turn out." Kamisato commented from the sidelines.

"So if all of you are done talking, I'm going to ask Touma the fateful question." Tsuchimikado announced to the rest of the group.

The girls waited with bated breath and the guys looked on curiously. Roberto looked pretty amused. Robert and Elizabeth looked rather intrigued.

"Kami-yan." Tsuchimikado called out.

"Yes." Touma answered.

"I'm gonna ask you a very important question here. Are you ready?"

Touma nodded his head.

"Alright Touma, listen carefully." Tsuchimikado started dramatically. "Tell us, out of all the girls in this room, who is the one that you love the most?"

Touma stared at all the girls individually for a rather long 5 minutes. Everyone in the room had their eyes dead set on him and it seemed as if they never blinked.

After the excruciating 5 minutes passed, Touma finally opened his mouth.

"All of them."

"…"

"WHAT THE FLYING FU**?!" Accelerator slammed his head against a tree. "THIS SHIT IS FUC**** RIGGED! YOU'RE TELLING ME I HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR MORE WEEKS?!"

"W-wait, did I hear that correctly?" Kamisato muttered. "No way, this doesn't make any sense! He's known the Railgun the longest right? So how in the hell does he love girls that he's barely met?!"

"I-I can't say that I'm surprised but there's Boss for you." Hamazura merely sighed.

"This kid's never changed huh?" Roberto laughed.

"I-Impossible…this boy has the potential?!" Robert gasped.

"Unbelievable… this plain guy actually has the potential to rival that of our father?" Elizabeth shook her head.

All of the girls just eyed Touma with looks of awe of wonder. Was something like this really possible?

"There guys you happy?" Tsuchimikado sighed. "I knew that this was how it was going to turn out but none of you listened to me."

"What do you mean you knew that it would turn out this way?" Kamisato grinned.

"Because it's freaking Kami-yan. What other result could you expect?"

No one objected to that response.

"So, are we done here for the day or…?" Hamazura asked.

"No no not quite. Get that camera rolling Hamazura, we got a competition on our hands!"

"Wait what?" Othinus voiced. "You planned an event in the case of this occurrence?"

"Yeah I did. Well me and the President did to be more specific." Tsuchimikado smiled smugly. "And let me tell ya, it's probably not something that we should be airing on national television but we have the President to do damage control."

"I got a bad feeling about this…" Saten muttered.

"Competitors!" Tsuchimikado yelled. "For this competition, all of you must go back to your respective cabins! There all of you will find a piece of clothing with your name tag on it. You are all required put those clothes on and come back here within the next 10 minutes!"

The girls grumbled.

"Oh yeah one more thing." Tsuchimikado grinned. "This is a double elimination so one person from each team will be leaving tonight."

"WHAT?!"

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 **OUTHOUSE- KONGOU**

"Honestly, at first I wondered if that…guy even had feelings for me. It was like he forgot that one time he saved me a year ago and maybe he did but if what he said earlier was true then…maybe my dream isn't a pipe dream anymore."

 **OUTHOUSE- END**

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 **OUTHOUSE- SERIA**

"Well…this complicates matters."

 **OUTHOUSE- END**

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 **OUTHOUSE- HIMEGAMI**

"Touma…is really amazing. I wanted to have him for myself but if that's how he truly feels then…I won't being a mistress."

 **OUTHOUSE- END**

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 **OUTHOUSE- AWAKI**

"Touma Kamijou really is something. I thought that I only liked little boys but he's different. It's not an obsession, more like an admiration a yearning. Heh, well at least I know how I really feel now."

 **OUTHOUSE- END**

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 **OUTHOUSE- UREAPADDY**

"I can't say that I expected this but it still is a shocker. It's a shame that he isn't that honest normally…"

O **UTHOUSE- END**

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 **OUTHOUSE- MIKOTO**

"That idiot, he…never mind I can't get mad. This isn't surprising to me but my l-l-l-love for him isn't so shallow that I'd give up after learning that!"

 **OUTHOUSE- END**

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 **OUTHOUSE- OTHINUS**

"The human never fails to impress. The thought of being with him seemed impossible considering how my form normally is. But if I can find a way to keep my form this way off the island then I don't mind being a part of that harem of his."

O **UTHOUSE- END**

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 **OUTHOUSE- MISAKI**

"My prince…this goes without saying but there's obviously no way that I'm going to share him with other girls. I want to honor his wishes but this is something that I have to intervene on. I hope he forgives me."

 **OUTHOUSE- END**

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"Wait, what do you mean the toilet seat is broken?" Leivinia shouted at Hamazura.

"Well sorry, but 8 girls just came here in a row. The seat couldn't take all of the weight continuously like that so it broke down. We'll try to repair it as soon as possible though." Hamazura said reassuringly.

"Ridiculous…" Leivinia stomped away.

"Oh boy. The other girls are gonna have a field day with this little issue." Hamazura sighed.

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"Hey, you're all back! Let me state the ru-"

"TSUCHIMIKADOOOOO!" Kanzaki roared as she sprinted and grabbed Tsuchimikado by the neck.

"What the hell's with these outfits?" Ureapaddy said miffed.

"It's-it's part of the challenge!" Tsuchimikado wheezed.

"Woah woah, drop him there Kanzaki, this is national television!" Hamazura warned.

"You think I care about that right now!"

All of the girls were wearing bathing suits that complimented their figures quite well. However, they were a tad too revealing for most of their standards.

"Hey nice job spy! This isn't a bad pick!" Lessar said proudly as she stood in front of the camera and bent over.

"Woah woah woah, this is too much fanservice for a nationally broadcasted show!" Kamisato now stepped him and grabbed the camera since Hamazura was too busy having a nosebleed.

"How did you even afford these?" Orsola asked curiously. "I'm not quite adept at Japanese currency but these must've cost a fair amount no?"

Kanzaki finally relented and dropped Tsuchimikado to the ground.

"Funny story actually." Tsuchimikado coughed. "You can thank the president for that one. He used the government funds to procure those outfits for all of you."

"WHAT?!" All of the girls yelled as Roberto merely laughed in response.

"A-ah…why's it so loud….?" Touma awoke from his falling unconscious after having the serum in his system for too long.

"Let's get this competition started guys! It's gonna be nice and quick!"

"What?" Touma asked.

"We're having what the President and I like to call the 'Hard-On' Test."

"WHAT?!" Touma and the girls shouted at the same time.

"It's simple really. All you have to do is highlight your figures in front of Touma and if you don't turn him on enough then you're eliminated. There will be no voting for this week and this week only. The girls that turn him on the least from both teams will have to say goodbye to this island unfortunately." Tsuchimikado explained.

"And I'm here to be an authoritative figure to stop things if they get out of hand." Roberto stepped in.

"Riiiiight." The girls all said in unison.

"W-wait, I'm not mentally prepared for th-"

"Too bad! We start now!" Tsuchimikado interrupted Kongou.

"And oh yeah before I forget, Hamazura!"

"Uh yeah?"

"You better not broadcast this because we've already gone over our appropriate time of fanservice for the episode."

"Well alright that makes sense. But I feel kind of bad for the viewers though." Hamazura admitted.

"Yeah I do too but they can suck it up unless they like watching cringy scenes of girls trying to look sexy in front of a camera."

"Yeah…you have a point."

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The competition ended and it was rather underwhelming to be honest. All of the girls were appealing so there was no low point. It almost felt a little bland.

"So Kami-yan, which girl on the 'Magnificent Magicians' turned you on the least?" Tsuchimikado asked.

Touma was still flabbergasted and somewhat confused by the situation but he got the general understanding of what was going on and he pretty much had to go along with it.

"Lessar." He said with no hesitation.

"WHAT?!" Lessar shouted in shock. "What are you talking about you dumbass! I'm obviously the sexiest one here!"

"Well Lessar, I'm not going to deny that you're sexy but you try way too hard."

"Huh?"

"I've grown numb to all of your constant advances. You are attractive don't get me wrong but you'd probably be a bit more I don't know less annoying if you were off my back every once in a while. Let me tell you, annoyance does not equal sexiness." Touma explained earning some chuckles from the 'Magnificent Magicians.'

"Why you…! This isn't over I swear I'll…!" Lessar was interrupted as Accelerator threw her out of the cabin.

"And now that she's gone, what about the 'Superb Scientists' Kami-yan? Who would you say is the girl that turned you on the least over there?"

"I…I don't know…"

"There has to be someone Kami-yan. No ifs or buts about it."

"….Misaka."

"WHA-"

All eyes were on Mikoto.

"WHAT?! M-ME?!"

"S-sorry Mikoto. You're honestly really cute but when you were around me earlier, it was like you were…scared of me. You were about to tear up." Touma said reluctantly.

"S-scared?! Of course I wasn't! I was just nervous is all!" Mikoto objected.

"I'm not saying you weren't but that look in your eyes wasn't one of stage fright, it was one of pure fear. I can understand not being that confident in your body because I don't feel like I'm the most attractive guy in the world, but I don't know if I can be with someone who's…completely terrified to be nude around me." Touma expanded before Mikoto attempted to interject.

"Wait! I'm telling you that that's not-"

"Sorry, but you heard the man. It's time to go Railgun." Kamisato said as he dragged her out of the cabin.

"THIS ISN'T FAIR!"

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It was nighttime now and Touma was at the docks staring at the night sky.

"Hey Touma, you okay?"

Touma turned around and saw Osamu, Robert and Elizabeth. He was expecting to see the president with them too since he thought that he was leaving but he then remembered that Roberto had some calls to make regarding his flight back to the U.S.

"Ah hey Osamu, you're back to your old self now?" Touma asked the Swallow pupil.

"Yeah, it took a while but I'm back from being too in tune with nature." Osamu chuckled.

"Anyway, we hate to intrude upon your nightly reflection here but we are about to leave." Robert said.

"Oh you're going with them Osamu?"

"Yeah, I've got to get back to my training." Osamu smiled. "I originally came here because I wanted a change of pace in my life you know? The constant training with the Swallows was really getting to me. The fact that I won that lottery almost seemed like a miracle so I embraced it."

"U-um about that Osamu…" Elizabeth murmured. "I think that Robert and I have something to say to you."

"Huh? What?"

"We apologize!" Robert and Elizabeth both bowed.

"We tried to push you too far and we deeply regret that. We-we knew that you were just a normal civilian yet the regimen we pushed onto you was far too severe!" Elizabeth said loudly.

"Indeed. The pain we put through must've been agonizing and I'm terribly sorry that we didn't see it sooner." Robert apologized. "If you want to leave the family now, none of us would blame you."

Osamu's face changed from one of shock to one of relief.

"Honestly, for a second I thought that you guys were about to kick me out."

"Huh?" Elizabeth voiced.

"There's no way in hell I'm gonna leave the Swallow family for something like this! I mean yeah, the training was tough but I wouldn't have it any other way! I knew that becoming a Swallow was going to be difficult so there's no need to blame yourselves alright?" Osamu pleaded.

"Osamu…" Robert said with a smile.

"So it's REALLY alright that I come back?" Osamu asked for clarification.

"Of course!" Elizabeth immediately replied.

"Glad to see you with us again Osamu Yuki."

"No problem." Osamu snickered.

' _Huh, what do you know? Osamu's a better guy than I thought.'_ Touma thought as he smiled at the warm exchange.

"Actually before we go, do you mind if I talk to Touma one on one here? It's kind of important." Osamu requested.

"Ah sure! Let's go Robert!"

Elizabeth yanked Robert's arm and the two started heading to the other end of the island to where their plane awaited.

They both wanted to tell Touma about how he was amazingly similar to the hero in the Swallow myths but they thought that now wasn't the time for that, especially considering how much he has on is plate.

"What's up?" Touma asked.

"There's something you should know about…the other island."

"Wait you know about it too?!"

"Yeah, Tsuchimikado just told me actually. He trusts that I'll keep his words to myself until the secret is finally revealed. I also intend to embrace that trust."

"Can-can you at least give me a hint? I've been hearing all these cryptic messages about it for the past couple of days and I have no idea what it is." Touma begged. "All I've really heard is that it's related to the 'truth of the show'."

"Oh yeah that's true alright. It's definitely related to the truth of the show. No denying that." Osamu agreed.

"It's that big of a deal huh?"

"Yeah, you have no idea." Osamu shook his head. "I don't know if you're ready for what lies there but it's you we're talking about. But still Touma, I have to warn you. Be careful. When the time comes and you have to reach that island, don't be rash. Be calm and be yourself. Because the second you lose you composure there, your life's done."

"What?!"

"I'm serious. Just please Touma, don't lose yourself. That's all I can really tell you."

"I see…thanks Osamu. Really, thanks. I'm sad you're going but you have training to do right?" Touma readied his arm for a handshake.

"Right." Osamu said with a slight smile. "Hopefully we'll meet again soon Touma. It's been fun."

The two shook hands and Osamu soon walked away.

' _I remember what I said during that time I swallowed the pill and I'm still trying to come to terms with it.'_ Touma thought as he shook his head and stared towards the horizon.

' _If what Osamu said is true then I have to be ready for what's coming in the future. Hopefully everything turns out fine...'_

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End file.
